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Am bisexual, love a guy, my family am wrecked by guilt

Updated on: 27 May,2010 10:09 AM IST  | 
Diana |

I am a 40-year-old, married and bisexual

Am bisexual, love a guy, my family am wrecked by guilt

Dear Diana,

I am a 40-year-old, married and bisexual. Three days ago, I performed oral sex on my best and closest friend, a 26-year-old singleton while we were in bed, drunk. I am sure he was aware of what was going on but he did not resist or stop me. I feel he pretended to be asleep.

I don't know but since that night, my heart is aching and feeling guilty as hell. I don't know what to do. Discuss the matter with him? I feel he might be upset. I love him very much. He also has feelings for me. Inu00a0 two past instances, we weren't physical. Others do tease us sometimes.

He has also teased me many times on being gay. I knowu00a0 I have cheated my wife also. But am helpless, and can't am trying to let go of these feelings. I dont want to lose him. He is part of my life. I don't want to be physical with my friend all the time. Or with anyone else. But this happened and the guilt of not coming out to my family is killing me.


Name withheld



Dear Friend,

There seems to be some ambiguity on the priority the friend has in your life vis-a-vis the wife. People sense your closeness to your buddy and percieve it to be more than mere friendship, anyway. So why continue living a lie? You're in love with a friend, sexually and emotionally.

There is also something binding you to your family. And all parties concerned have to be in the know. If any one is unaware, the guilt you bear will only grow greater until the burden becomes too overbearing. Understand that though it may be difficult, it is the truth, ultimately, that will set you free!

Love her, told her... am now in limbo

Dear Diana,

I love this girl a lot and told her that. She said she needed time to get to know me better since we hardly knew each other. A few months on, her cell's always busy and I'm sure she's talking to other guys. I haven't spoken to her in three months. We live in the same neighbourhood, though...


Navin

Dear Navin,

You live in the same neighbourhood. So why resort to technological means? If you can't call her up, chat her up when you do meet in person. Find ways and means of bumping into her so you can strike up conversations. Try not to sound desperate or possessiveu00a0-- either could drive her away. Ask her what she has been up to. Be normal and you'll know what you need to. Make the effort! Don't blame technology for your own laziness.

I'm a guy... I get tempted!

Dear Diana,

We were together five years. I broke up with her because ufffd let's be honest ufffd I was growing bored of her. I'm with a new girl now. My ex and I met a few months ago. She's with a guy, too. She calls me up offering sex but I am too much in love with my present girlfriend to even think about it. But I'm a guy. I get tempted!


Suri

Dear Suri,

There's a fairly simple way around this. Simply don't recieve your ex's calls. No intimation, no temptation! And if you were growing bored with her then, what's the motivation now? If you do want to go ahead and have a roll in the sack for old times' sake, keep it to yourself and forget about it. Do it and don't ask for advice to be able to deal with the guilt. Bottomline: if you can't handle it, simply don't go for it. It's not worth the headache!

u00a0

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