And the award goes to... The atrocious and the appalling of Bollywood
With the awards season underway, it is time to cheer the stars for what they accomplished in the past year. As the stars preen and pirouette on the red carpet in their designer threads, mouth acceptance speeches (“thank you mom, dad” “thank you for believing in me”), there are hushed whispers about why this particular star received it and why the other did not. hitlist honours the outrageous and the bizarre in Bollywood that left us awestruck by their actions or words...
PDA award: Jointly to Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh, who managed to make quite a bit of news with their bromance.
Damsel in deep distress award: Sonakshi Sinha for solely keeping the flag of the coy, Bharatiya nari flying. It really must be tough to continue representing a ’60s heroine in this time and age.
POOF! Award: Honey Singh was in your face every day, even when you wanted to escape. And then, suddenly he disappeared into thin air without as much as offering a plausible excuse.
Best drama award: Anurag Kashyap for crying hoarse about everything from social media network to censor disclaimers to critics to err…everything under the sky.
Action Queen Award: Madhuri Dixit for her flying (literally) performance in Gulaab Gang. The lady did the impossible anti-gravity thing of staying in air forever. Detractors might insist that it is the gross overdoing of special effects, but we still think the lady deserves an award for gravity defying stunt and staying in air forever, that too, in a saree.
Agony aunt award: Deepika Padukone always seems to have an advice or two up her sleeve, which she is ready to dispense at a moment’s notice.
Blatantly blah award: Salman Khan for continuing to choose movies which make zero logic, but go on to keep the box office busy.
Never say die lover award: Saif Ali Khan for his two-decade effort to stay stuck in an image of the eternal confused lover boy. It is no mean feat.
Time machine award
Filmmaker Indra Kumar for taking us back to the medieval ages where people gasped at a man and woman living in without the ‘married’ tag.
Prabhu Dheva for continuing to churn out movies that could kill. This year he did it with Action Jackson.
Freedom fighter award
Sanjay Dutt who managed to stay more outside than inside the prison this year.
Charity begins at home award
Vashu Bhagnani for placing enormous trust in son Jackky to replace the acclaimed actor Irrfan his upcoming film Welcome to Karachi.
Package deal award
Sunny Leone and her husband Daniel Webber. We strongly suspect Bipasha Basu’s film Alone about conjoined twins was inspired by this couple.
Gem of the year
Talking about Bipasha, this award goes to her as apart from many other quotable quotes, her most memorable one was, ‘Karan (Singh Grover) and I love bodies.’ Postmortem anyone?
Himesh Reshammiya for continuing to make movies with himself in the lead. By now we thought that his acting talent has been X-posed.
The good wife award
Rani Mukerji — there couldn’t have been a better spokesperson for the reticent Aditya Chopra (ahem, used to be, now we know everything about him.)
Never again never ever again award
This goes to Creature 3D. We felt a tinge of pity for monsters and ghosts, as this animated disaster gave them a really bad name.
Innovative abuses award
Director Kabir Sadanand for Fugly. We are simply awestruck with the man’s vocabulary for swear words.