This is what Flavia Pennetta, who entered the US Open tennis final in New York on Friday, wrote in her Memoir about her former boyfriend and ex-World No 1 Carlos Moya in 2007
New York: Flavia Pennetta, who at 33, is the oldest first-time finalist at a tennis major in the modern era, has got used to dealing with the "big mess."
The biggest of all was off court when her private life fell apart eight years ago. She had been dating Spanish tennis player Carlos Moya, the 1998 French Open champion, but their three-year relationship ended in 2007. Pennetta was devastated by the end of the affair.
She lost 10 kilos and penned a searing memoir about the break-up, Dritto al Cuore (Straight to the Heart). "Perhaps the one I lost was not Carlos, but me. He's a b**t**d, what more can I say, but if I made a mistake it was in dedicating myself too much to him, at the loss of myself," she wrote.
These days, she is happy on the court and off it. She has been linked romantically to fellow player Fabio Fognini, the wild Italian who sent Rafael Nadal crashing out of the US Open in the third round.
Carlos Moya with girlfriend Carolina Cerezuela during the Novak Djokovic vs Rafael Nadal French Open final at Roland Garros on June 10, 2012 in Paris. Pic/Getty Images
According to reports, Moya is linked with Spanish actress Carolina Cerezuela, with whom he has three children.
If Pennetta wins the US Open title, she will break Marion Bartoli's record for Grand Slam patience - the Frenchwoman won her first and only major at Wimbledon in 2013 at the 47th attempt.
She will also rise to eight in the world. It's a staggering achievement for a woman who was close to quitting last year because of a crippling wrist injury.
"I was close, really close," she said. "But it's easy for me doing this kind of life because it's nice life. Sometimes I have a bad moment like everyone.
I mean, I'm a tennis player, but I'm also person. The moon, is going up and down, no?" The US Open is by far Pennetta's most successful Slam — she was also a semi-finalist in 2013.
"In the last three years I just keep playing, because for me, it's something I really love to do," said a pensive Pennetta. "I don't see myself without tennis. It's not easy for a player to I think take this decision and say it's over. "It's like a new life completely.
So sometimes it is the more scary thing, no? Because life, it's going to change, but most of the time it changes for the better. I hope so."