As the World Cup football kicks off today in South Africa and football fever soars higher than Mumbai's mercury, this columnist is wondering...

Doc, I think I've football fever

As the World Cup football kicks off today in South Africa and football fever soars higher than Mumbai's mercury, this columnist is wondering...

Whether you have a World Cup football-betting ring going on in your office.

Whether the four-legged canines of the world are confused since nobody paid attention to them when they wagged their tails, but guys watching football are all talking about something called WAGS ufffd Wives and Girlfriends (in short) of the players.

Whether you have had the opportunity to watch the football movie classic called Escape to Victory starring Pele?

Whether a gaggle of adolescent gals get together and giggle about the sex quotient of footballers spouting their trademark ufffd oooh he's so cute.

Whether you have decided to live on sprouts and lettuce till the end of the year so that you can shake it like Shakira and hips don't lie, anyway.

Whether Mumbai's traffic cops will blow their whistles at traffic signals and cry foul in true World Cup football fever style as they nab motorists?

Whether the city's fast vanishing open spaces will be chockfull of boys kicking around a football instead of wielding a cricket bat for one month at least?

Whether you know that World Cup football referees have to pass extremely tough fitness tests to qualify as referees and they run twice as much as players during a game, with some of them training two years before a World Cup to qualify as referees?

Whether you remember that for some, football is all about life and death and that Colombian footballer Andres Escobar lost his life for a goal in the 1994 World Cup. Escobar was murdered because he caused gambling losses to several powerful drug lords.

Whether football players should train for the next World Cup by dodging and jumping over the city's potholes every Mumbai monsoon to build speed, skill and strength

Why Mumbai's doctors do not invent some special medication for a large number of shivering, weak and obviously delirious patients with high temperatures who are sure to crowd their clinics this month and next, as they would be suffering from football fever

Whether are you reading this tripe when you should be watching the football, anyway?u00a0