'Don't want kids? It's your body, not his'

Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age

Q. He wants children, but I don't. What do we do?
A. Let's be clear about the gravity of this question. This isn't about him wanting to eat Chinese food while you feel a craving for Misal Pav. This is about the creation of life, or lives, that you will both be responsible for. Children don't just pop out the way they used to when our parents were young, and there's a bigger reason for that than the invention of chocolate-flavoured condoms. They pop out after a careful evaluation about whether couples have what it takes to raise them, financially and emotionally. This isn't about his need for children versus your desire to not have any, as much as it is about why you feel the way you do and what he says to counter it. There's one thing that weighs very heavily in your favour: it's your body, not his.

Q. How do I know she's the right one?
A. If she's not in jail for attempted murder, that's a good sign. If she's sweet-tempered, not prone to bouts of murderous rage, not foul-mouthed, kind to animals, children and senior citizens, knows what she wants, loves what she does, and lives her life according to her own rules, those are all good signs. Then again, maybe what you're looking for is a foul-mouthed, rude, unkind, short-tempered sociopath who is in jail for attempted murder. In which case, that's the kind of woman you need. If she makes you happy, and you love the idea of being with her, that's pretty much all it takes to know. It's how your parents knew, and their parents before them.

Q. Is there a good movie I can watch that can teach me all there is to know about relationships within an hour and a half or so?
A. Jurassic Park is a good one. It teaches you about not messing with nature, doing as you're told, and getting out of the way when there's an angry female around. All great life lessons.

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  • Abhishek Oza11-May-2016

    About having a child:What was decided b4 wedding or b4 he expressed the desire? that you would have kids? Or nothing decided at all?If it was decided that you would have kid(s), then you are breaking the contract the marriage was based on, so set him free and let him marry someone who would honour the contract. Because if he is ready for kid

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