'He never makes time for me once he's home'

Jun 28, 2017, 06:00 IST | Dr Love

We got married in 2010, but he has never given me any time. He returns home from work, tells me what he needs and then sits with his phone for hours...

We got married in 2010, but he has never given me any time. He returns home from work, tells me what he needs and then sits with his phone for hours. I share my feelings with him, but he ignores me. All he wants is for me to look after the household and take care of our son. He never thinks about me or my needs. Is it wrong to have these feelings? How do I stop them? I think they are ruining my relationship. Where am I going wrong and how do I improve myself? — Deepti L
I find it strange that you blame yourself for what is clearly a case of non-physical domestic abuse. You are perfectly entitled to say what you feel and ask for more than just cursory words, considering you have invested a portion of your life into making this relationship work. Your marriage isn't simply about housework and parenting; it's about love and companionship, both of which appear to be missing in your description of what life with this man is like. To begin with, I suggest you stop holding yourself responsible and start identifying the problem. Secondly, I suggest you make yourself heard by insisting that your husband communicate, either with you or with a professional therapist.

It's hard to blame him either, considering this is just one side of the story, but it's pretty clear that the future of your relationship is in jeopardy if things continue the way they are. At the very least, the two of you should try and make things work so you can set a better example for your child. What sort of idea will he have about love, marriage, communication and mutual respect if he has poor role models? You owe it to yourself too. You have chosen to live your life with this man. Why would you deny yourself the possibility of happiness by not taking any steps to remedy a situation that has made you unhappy for years?

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