'I want to settle down, but not settle for anyone'

Aug 28, 2017, 07:21 IST | Dr Love

I dated a girl for around two years, after which we decided it wasn't working out and went our separate ways. The problem is, it's been a year since we split up and neither of us has been able to find someone interesting to be with. We are getting older, and are both thinking of settling down at some point, and we have been in touch all this time, so she suggested we get back together and give it another chance. I don't know if this is a good idea though, because it means we are settling for something simply because neither of us has a viable alternative. Is this a sensible thing to do? What if she or I find someone better?
This really depends upon why you want to marry and who you think you want to spend the rest of your life with. They are important questions to consider. There may be solid reasons for being with someone you have been with before, but the two of you have to seriously evaluate why you decided to end it the first time, and think about whether you both think a compromise of this sort will help you live the rest of your lives together. It sounds as if you both want to get back simply to tick marriage off your list of things to do, not because you genuinely feel as if you belong together. The fact that you are both looking at each other as a second-best option is also worrying, because it means you may both hold on to that thought for a while and live together always wondering who else you could have been with, the minute you hit some sort of disagreement. If you want to give it another shot, why not start by simply dating and deciding upon your course of action after a few months, when you are both comfortable with the idea? Why get into a relationship with marriage as the ultimate goal without testing the waters first?

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