'Her past does not affect your future together'

Sep 12, 2017, 07:42 IST | Dr Love

I have been married for two years. We have been happy, but I recently found out about my wife's ex-boyfriend who she had never mentioned before. Apparently, she almost married him, but things didn't work out. I found out about this through a friend of hers, who happened to mention it to me during a party, assuming my wife had told me about him. When I expressed ignorance, she tried changing the topic, but the damage has been done. I now feel as if my wife married me simply to forget about this guy. Is this marriage a lie? I know she loves me, or at least I think she does, but I have started to question everything about her now. How do I get things back to the way they used to be?
If this marriage were a lie, you have had two years to try and question it. The fact that you have had no reason to do so, until you found out about this man, means this is something you are trying to convince yourself of, despite your better judgment. If you have a problem with this aspect of your wife's past, even though she has obviously moved on, why use it to derail the potential future of your relationship? If she were marrying you simply to forget about him, do you honestly believe your marriage would last as long as it has? You have to give her the benefit of doubt on this one. Speak to her about your fears, tell her why you feel vulnerable, and allow her to explain why she withheld this information. She's your wife. You owe her that much, especially if this relationship has to survive. This may end up making the bond you both share a lot stronger, so please don't allow your ego to get in the way of that happening. Lastly, think of what your life would be like without her presence, before making any hasty decision you may regret.

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