'Help! My boyfriend is after me for marriage'

Jun 23, 2016, 06:00 IST | Dr. Love

Q. My boyfriend thinks it's time for us to marry, but I'm not so sure yet. He says it's how I can prove that I'm committed, but I don't think that's true. Do I have no other choice?
A. There are obviously various forms of commitment, so saying that marriage is the only way of showing it is not a valid argument at all. The fact that you are dating him exclusively is a form of commitment already, as is the possibility of moving in together for a while or sharing your resources. If you aren't comfortable, you shouldn't do it. Speak to your boyfriend about you feel. If neither of you can communicate and find some sort of acceptance, this may be a problem a few years down the line.

Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend. I have been trying to for a while but he is too sensitive, so I don't know how to do it.
A. There are good ways and bad ways of breaking up. How you decide to do it has a lot to do with how you see yourself in this relationship. The fact that you are ready to end it proves you have given it a certain amount of thought and realise it isn't working out, for whatever reason. You will, at some point, have to place yourself and your own needs above those of your boyfriend. Ask yourself if he would dither about this if he were in your shoes. If you are honest with yourself (and you really should be), you have to understand that a relationship that is over for one person, but stretched out interminably for the other, only causes harm to both sides. It will help neither of you. If you tell him this honestly, he may be shocked. He may then get into bouts of depression or self-pity. Hopefully though, he will come around to seeing your point of view. And if he doesn't, life still goes on for both of you, doesn't it?

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