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'How can we overcome boredom in our marriage?'

Q. We are married since 8 years. But our lives have become mechanical now. How can we overcome boredom in our marriage? Nothing seems interesting anymore!
A. It is essential that partners recognize that the problem exists and for which both have to share equal responsibility. Just talking about it, at times, can be helpful. Taking a vacation in a changed environment may be a wonderful experience. Having sex at the usual time, in the usual manner and at the usual place, gives way to monotony and dullness. Sometimes, experimenting with new sensual and sexual approaches, reading sexual material, seeing erotic pictures and movies, or engaging in love-play with no pressure to perform, can have a therapeutic effect on a couple’s sexual relationship. Making love somewhere other than the bed, creating a sensual atmosphere with music, candlelight and the use of a mirror for watching your own reflection, can help as psychological aphrodisiacs. Taking a bath together, using scented body oils and the use of a vibrator can help dissolve bedroom boredom and enhance pleasure. Poor communication between partners is a common cause of boredom and needs to be remedied. Romance need not end with marriage. Use it to rejuvenate old passion, and make your sex life more interesting. Just flowers on birthdays and anniversaries or a perfunctory kiss when leaving the house is not enough. Caress that special part on your partner’s body where you know he likes to be touched the most, so he knows you are still attracted to him. Walking in the rain or taking an unscheduled weekend off for no particular reason could help in rekindling excitement in love-making. Sex alone is merely a physical thing but pleasure derived from sex has emotional as well as intellectual dimensions. The importance of romantic social interplay, and sensual interplay along with sexual interplay, cannot be overemphasized.

You can ask your most intimate questions to Dr Prakash Kothari. Send an email to sexologist@mid-day.com. India’s top sexologist will answer them right here.

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