How to

Hi Sandhya,
I am deeply in love with my cousin, who is five years elder to me. She is a lovely person, and has always been a friend, throughout my growing years. The trouble is, she is getting married at the end of this year.

I am not sure how she feels about me because I haven’t expressed myself, but I get the feeling that she is fond of me too.

I am prepared to take on my family and the consequent censure that is bound to come my way once I disclose my feelings, but I’m not sure I will handle it well if she rejects me, or worse, I find out that my feelings for her are founded in some kind of self-delusion.

At the same time, I really care about her and don’t want to do anything to jeopardise her standing in society by expressing myself to her, specially since she is of marriageable age.

This is driving me crazy, and I don’t know if I should upset the applecart or risk losing the love of my life by keeping mum. Please help.
Very torn

Dear Torn,
Ouch! This is a tough one. I believe one can’t choose who to fall in love with, it just happens. That’s the special thing about love and one must value the feeling. And I know society will say this is blasphemy, but I say, go tell her how you feel.

Even if nothing comes out of it you must express yourself and set the truth free so that it doesn’t weigh on you for the rest of your life.

Besides, since you’re close, I’m sure you could request her to keep this between the two of you to avoid a family situation until both of you are in agreement and certain of your feelings.

Although, if she’s getting married, it’s very possible that either she doesn’t feel the same way, or does not want to go against family and society. So you might want to consider that before doing anything.

Whatever the case, don’t live in confusion. Address the issue and take necessary action to move on, one way or another. Good luck.
Love, Sandhya

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