Is what stand-up comedian Sorabh Pant says in a quick interview before his visit to town for yet another edition of 'Pant on Fire'
What is your favourite accent and why?
The British accent is the best. It's quite a wussy sissy accent. You can sound like a pansy and still come off feeling like a ruler.
What is your favourite pick up line?
'I am not a comedian.' It seems to work well with me. With my wife it is 'Because I am your husband.' I don't need to hit on women anymore and that is a bit of a relief.
What do you do when you aren't feeling funny before a show?
You never really are feeling funny before a show. There is sheer panic and you feel like your heart will explode. What can be worse though, is not getting the right vibe from the audience and all your interactions are failing. You end up sounding like a professor giving a lecture, not a stand up comedian.
What would you be if not a stand up comedian?
A failed lingerie mode. I would fail but keep at it. Or I would be an author, which I already am. If this is a genie-like wish and I could be anything at all, I'd love to be Kareena Kapoor. She makes absolutely no sense. Is there a single time when you have heard an interview by her and felt you have learnt something? It is like she needs to learn something all the time. I would love to live in that happy bubble.
What do you do when you have a blank moment on stage?
Just improvise. The moment a stand up comedian begins interacting too much with the audience you know he has forgotten the lines. Whenever I forget I begin going into biographies of people in the audience, saves me from cracking jokes on myself.
Where TOIT, 100 Feet Road, Indiranagar
On September 29, 8 pm
FOR Rs 200
Where Jagriti, Varthur Road, Whitefield
On September 30 and October 1, 8 pm
FOR: Rs 400
Log on to www.bookmyshow.com