Everyone’s joining the Aam Aadmi Party. Some want to help eradicate corruption. The rest just want the cool white cap with the black lettering.
I’ve decided not to join Kejriwalji. Not because cynics say he is ‘topi pehnaoing’ the masses with his populist schemes. But my mother has already decided to sign up.
One AAPite per family is quite enough.
So I decide to present my credentials to the other Lok Sabha contenders.
The Congress (I) is my first obvious stop.
“You require only one qualification if you want to join Congress Party” the sycophant at one of the city’s branches informs me.
“What is that?” I ask fascinated.
“Your surname has to be Gandhi.”
“Uhm..., you don’t think it might be a bit confusing to have two Rahul Gandhis in one political party?” I enquire of him.
Big Moose looks at me confused... “I’ll have to check with Priya Duttji. She’s visiting her brother in jail at the present time. Kal wapas aao.”
Next I traipse to the BJP headquarters. The thuggish man across the table hands me a blank sheet of paper.
“You need me to jot down my name and reasons to sign up with Bhajapa, yes?”
“Nahin nahin. Only requirement is to write 10 insults against Congress. And 10 ten false accusations against AAP. An elite panel consisting of our general secretary and other seniors will select the best entries. The winner will become our nominee from Kalyan constituency. Runner up will gain direct entry into Bigg Boss Season 8.”
I go to Gujarat in person to meet Narendraji — “Sir, I’d like a clear idea on how I can join you in your plan for good governance.”
“Can you fly kites like Salman Khan?” he asks, furiously operating his phirki like it was Playstation 4.
I’m beginning to think it may not be in my naseeb to join a national party. A regional outfit could be the answer.
I head to Lucknow and look up Akhilesh Yadav who snarls: “Are you from the cable operators union, why are you riding a bicycle?”
“I thought since it’s your party symbol, you would be impressed.”
“It may be our symbol, but it is not a status symbol, samjhe, what do you want?”
“Is there any space for me in the Samajwadi Party, since most of your party workers are in jail?”
Mulayam Singh Yadav answers —“You can take the place vacated by Amar Singh, manzoor hai?”
I decide, after all, it is best to join the Aam Aadmi Party. So I dial the AAP number.
The voice on the other end says, “Hello AAP, Subrata Roy speaking.”
“Sir, you also joined the Aam Aadmi Party? Wow that’s amazing.”
“No, this is the office of the new IPL team, AAP. Ace Avengers Pune. We’re looking for donations… cash, cheque, demand draft all are welcome.”
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller.
Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.