'I want Santa's birth certificate'
This Christmas, The GUIDE decided to ask some of Mumbai's funny men and women about what they'd like from Santa Claus. Here's what they said �
Give me a puppy
I really want a puppy from Santa this time. I always wanted to have a dog, but I was too busy to take care of it, so I never really got one. I want it to be a cross between a Schipperke and any other dog; they’re cute and fluffy.
Initiate a dialogue
I would like Santa to go into our politicians’ homes and initiate a dialogue, a conversation about things that are importantand start a process of change. The country is in chaos now,and perhaps he can help start a dialogue. But we will have to take it forward from there. After all, he’s an old man — and he might also be suffering from problems like arthritis or thelike.
Give me a penthouse
If I could ask Santa for something, I would ask him for a penthouse apartment and a pair of red shoes. I would also ask him how to be a hipster in Bandra. I am 36, and when I am sometimes at music venues or hanging out with the young crowd, I suddenly feel like Amol Palekar. So, I want to ask Santa to tell me how to be cool in Bandra. And like I said also morph my current 2BHK apartment into a beautiful penthouse.
Stop people from turning vegetarian
I wish people stopped turning vegetarian. I don’t understand them. The best food people can have for Christmas is non-vegetarian. It’s time Santa stepped in and stopped people from becoming vegetarian. Do you really want to celebrate Christmas with Chole Bhature and Paneer Matar? What’s on the menu? Pav Bhaji. Seriously? What’s Christmas without a nice bite of ham or the meat pies! I’m salivating, already. This Christmas will be fun. I also want it to snow and want Santa to give me enough money so that I never have to work again.
Tell me Santa jokes
I want Santa to tell me a lot of Santa jokes. He’s a fat dude, who lives in the North Pole, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind the jokes. I also want him to give me a Diwali mascot, just as Santa Claus is synonymous with Christmas. More importantly, I would want a proof of him and his residence. I want to ask him for an address proof and his birth certificate. Oh…I would also want him to give me an elf. Elves are supposed to be hard working, and if I get an elf I could get him to do a lot of the work around the house.