India kya tyohahahaha!

I am IPL obsessed. No, no not the Indian Premier League. The new Indian Political League is my new area of interest. High profile biddings are underway as we speak. The auctions were delayed because Modiji was in Canada, and is back in India for a short trip. His spokesperson said: “It is PM sir's aim to visit all 196 countries in his first term. He will focus on India in his next term starting 2019.” Gautam Adani, team owner, NaMo Night Riders’ (NNR), confided in me, “Because he is the Prime Minister, Narendra saab is allowed to pick more than four foreign players in our team. US President Barack Obama will be our captain and Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel will be his deputy.” I also learnt that the team’s outfit would be mauve jackets, with the players’ names embroidered from top to bottom.
Team number two, co-owned by the Gandhis and Robert Vadra, is called the FFU -- ‘Feku Farmers Union’ . Vadra, was conspicuous by his absence at the auctions (reliable sources say that he is under a cloud of match fixing before the tournament has even begun). Arnab Goswami was bought by FFU for an undisclosed amount of money -- the highest this IPL, equivalent to Yuvraj Singh’s R14 crores in the Indian Premier League.

Illustration / Amit Bandre

Arvind Kejriwal leads the LPA -- ‘Lok Pal Avengers’ in this inaugural season of the Indian Political League. Gul Panag, apart from being the key cheerleader, has also designed the striking white costumes with matching muffler. This team, however has seen some turmoil as Yogendra Yadav has been snapped up by Mamata Banerjee's HHH (‘Howrah Hooghly Hurricanes’). And Prashant Bhushan is unsold -- though many teams are considering him, including Omar Abdullah’s popular KK -- 'Kashmir Kalashnikovs'.

The sixth team, the HBB (‘Hindi Belt Belters’) brings together amazing local talent from Bihar and Uttar Pradesh. The skipper is of course the wily Mulayam Singh Yadav and boasts heavyweights such as Nitish Kumar, Sharad Yadav, Laloo Prasad Yadav and HD Deve Gowda. If the bookies are to be believed, the ‘HBB’ has the talent to go as far as
the semifinal.

One anonymous source said: “They are like the Lagaan team, without Aamir Khan”. Of course, the favourites for the cup is the Maharashtra outfit -- The CSM -- The ‘Chhatrapati Shivaji Marathas’. Sachin Tendulkar is the team’s mentor, and Vinod Kambli, is its motivator. The coaching staff, much like the Mumbai Indians, boasts a more impressive line up than the players itself. Uddhav Thackeray, Raj Thackeray and Narayan Rane are the think-tank to help Nana Patekar (Capt) and Riteish Deshmukh (Vice-capt).

Sitaram Yechury is the newly appointed captain of the CC -- The ‘Commie Comrades’. The one stipulation for any player in this team is that he has to be ‘left’ handed. Saurav 'Dada' Ganguly is the mentor of the CC team. Yechury proudly announced at the auction last evening, “We have bought Russia’s Vladimir Putin and China’s Xi Jinping at a competitive rate.”

When reports last came in, all the teams were pitching for Sunny Leone as their foreign player.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

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