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Lights, camera, auction!

Rahul da CunhaSo our new union government moves into office, ready to pull mother Bharat back from the precipice. Simultaneously, IPL 7 moves into its final phase tonight. What an exciting week it’s been.

And I have been waiting, dear readers, waiting for my moment to announce some sensational news. I’ve created something even bigger than these two huge mega events.


Illustration/Amit Bandre

So here goes: I am combining political tamasha with cricket 20/20 to create my own IPL — The Indian Political League. Cool name, huh? Yes, my friends, high-scale auctions are underway for this new ‘bulawa aaya hai’. The teams are in the process of being finalised and ideal candidates will be picked for each of them.

My target ‘players’ are many — most of my recruits for this competition are disgruntled BJP rejects, devastated Congressmen, desperate Communists, disoriented Trinamoolites and deplorable Hindi belt honchos. (It’s great to see members of so many political parties intermingling and sharing dressing rooms).

Obviously Bhajapites, who never made it to the Cabinet, are my most expensive and revered nuggets. Great politicians who just didn’t grovel enough.

One big player, who wished to remain anonymous, complained, “I should have been selected by Modiji. I would have flawlessly spoken at the swearing in ceremony. Pranabda would not have needed to correct me. Nobody appreciates good English anymore,” he said, resignedly. “Smriti Irani is in and I’m out in the cold. Shocking.”

(I’ll give you a hint, he is considered in inner circles as the Gautam Gambhir of politics. National duty awaits him but the captain doesn’t think so. Yup, you got it right, Subramaniam Swamy.)

My plan is to have five teams who will be given specific goals. They don’t compete against each other, but instead, the quickest to their targets will get the cup. Think of it like Khatron ke Khiladi meets Kaun Banega Crorepati. Two teams have been finalised so far. So let me keep you updated, now that the auction is hotting up.

Ashok Chavan has just been bought by favourites Dindoshi Dynamos — The task of DD is to repair the city’s flyovers before the monsoon kicks in. Post the Adarsh scam, this man is on fire, so action oriented. Backed by Prithviraj Chavan (eager to win the Assembly elections) and Suresh Kalmadi (back from the cold) I expect great things from this team.

Wow, I never expected this development, Abu Azmi has been bought by Lalbagh Lady Protectors for a whopping R14 crores. Even though Mulayam Singh Yadav managed just 8 Lok Sabha seats he has been picked to captain this team. These two gems along with Azam Khan, will form the nexus of this central Bombay outfit.

Mayawati heads a team called Elphinstone Road Elephants. And they have picked Uma Bharati quite cheap.

That’s all for now. Check this space for further updates. By the way, latest in, Arvind Kejriwal goes unsold.

(And RaGa and Sonia are investing in a team called Rome Rae Bareilly Rebels.)

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

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