I was 18 and working at a mall when I met her.

Make my move now? But I feel it's too soon! Wait?

Dear Diana,

I was 18 and working at a mall when I met her. After a few weeks, I got to know her better. She was 10 years older and already married. We were good friends at work for a few months until she decided to leave but I wasn't ready to see her go. Her husband worked a lot and she needed someone to watch their dogs a few days a week. I agreed to help. Over the next year, we began to hang out together more and more.

We would watch a movie, go get coffee, or just hang out. I knew she saw me as a friend and I should have been glad to have her as one. Because of her husband's job they never live in a place more than a few years; where we were, being no exception.

When she told me they were moving, I got sick. I also knew she didn't want to go either. She had told me of the six previous moves this one was the only one she didn't want to make. They moved; I haven't seen her since. I'm almost 22 now and I feel great about where my life is going. I'm in college, working a good job and I'm really happy except, I really miss her.

I know that a few months after they moved she and her husband separated and she moved back with family. We have recently been in touch but it's just talk. I really love this girl. The age difference is of no concern to me.

I want to tell her but, I think it's too soon. I don't want to be the other guy after her husband, even if we are good friends. I don't think anything works out right after a divorce. Also, I also can't stand the thought of her being with someone else either. What should I do?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,

Sometimes, the best thing you can do in such situations is wait it out. In your case, it's been four years. I guess that's more than enough time to heal from a marriage gone bad. Her husband was anway rarely ever on the scene. Meet her and tell her how you feel for her.
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I'm sure age doesn't matter to her as well. The longer you wait to tell her, the more you're going to grow to regret that decision. Someone will, inevitably, pitch their case and you will be left out in the cold. I don't think you should tarry anymore than you have.

They'll feel bad if we quarrel!

Dear Diana,

With regards to your reply to my question ('I need a friend...', March 2, Dear Diana), if the girlfriend wants a sexual relationship after listening to my problems, I am ready for that. If I go against my wife's wishes, however, there will be daily quarrels. I have a daughter now and do not want to quarrel in front of her.

Moreover, my parents stay downstairs, and they will feel very bad if I do quarrel, so I don't go against her wishes. I have asked her to divorce me but she is not ready to.

Name withheld

Dear Friend,

Okay, the only reason I brought the sex bit up is because I doubt you (or a prospective "girlfriend") would choose to keep the relationship platonic for too long. Don't use your troubles to garner sympathy to get into bed with someone. Also, there will be fights. Once you decide to oppose the tyrant (in this case, your wife) you will have to take on a conflict.

Also, it seems that your parents aren't aware of the "situation". I think they will be sadder once they do find out. It seems that you have grown accustomed to the way things are and are looking for excuses not to change. Also, for a divorce, you have to have just cause. Which you haven't offered.

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