In less than 100 days from now the baap of all sporting events sadi Dilli has ever seen is going to take place.

Mind it rascals!

In less than 100 days from now the baap of all sporting events sadi Dilli has ever seen is going to take place. While the authorities have their own albatross around the neck to deal with, I have my own worries under my hat. I am having nightmares about hordes of beer guzzling brawling Aussies and Canadians (or is it Caesar for them), Scotch-sipping Scots (lucky b*****), homophobic cannabis smoking Jamaicans, trigger happy Sri Lankans and many more from 72 other countries running amok in my peaceful city. I have an advisory for all such rowdy animals on our political, religious and social etiquettes.

Interacting with our women: Don't take the initiative of offering a handshake when introduced to the female species in Delhi. Introduction of physical intimacy of any kind by outsiders is considered inappropriate, though we don't mind pinching our women in crowded buses and queues whenever we get an opportunity. The western practice of a peck on the cheeks as a form of greeting a lady is totally against our culture, though ogling at breasts and other vital places is considered normal.

Public displays of affection (hugging, kissing) are generally not appreciated. But, we encourage catcalls, blowing whistles and singing raunchy Bollywood numbers are part of day-to-day human interaction. Remember, our women's honour is everything to us, thus all the honour killings we indulge in regularly, even if it means taking a U-turn towards the dark ages.u00a0

Conversing with us: You can freely discuss politics with us; if we ever love anything it is verbally bashing our elected leaders and political system to pulp. Join in the game and introduce us to the dictator of your civil war ravaged nation or obese leader of your low GDP, tiny and obscure island country. But avoid any kind of dialogue on religion, now-a-days, we keep it strictly for inciting communal violence and hatred among ourselves.

Obey traffic rules: Finally, don't take traveling in your own hands; self-driven cars are available but stick to auto rickshaws and taxis no matter how exorbitantly they charge you going by your skin colour. We easily get offended if foreigners start jumping red lights, honking, drink driving, over speeding and mowing down beggars on pavements like some privileged bratty film star or son of an arms dealer with political connections. Our legal process works at it's own pace and if you get into trouble we seriously can't afford keeping you in inhuman conditions in our prisons on the taxpayer's money.

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