This film isn’t just awful to sit through, it is dreadful enough to consider being eaten alive by a shark as a less painful experience. Shark Knight 3D just lumbers along like a shark hit by a tranquilising dart. First time writers Will Hayes and Jesse Studenberg put together the most cliched set of characters in a plot that can only exist in the 80’s.
We’re introduced to a bikini-clad bimbette attacked by a large shark, and then to the stock American idiotic movie teens - the nerd (Dustin Milligan), the gym athlete (Sinqua Walls), the hot chick (Sara Paxton), and other kids who descend to a lake house for a weekend getaway. You’d have to be dumber than these kids to not figure out who dies first and who survives and how. You’d also have to be super smart to figure out why there are sharks in a salt lake. Speaking of which, the sharks are part CGI part animatronic, and they make for some hilariously bad special effects.
The whole coming-at-you 3D gimmick is done way too many times to entertain, and since the majority of the film is shot in the dark, the dimming 3D only worsens the visual quality. Just like in the Piranha movies, these super strong super aggressive sharks are given a backstory in an attempt to make us invest in the film, but the only thing one can care about is the time remaining until the end credits arrive.