My boyfriend and I quarrel a lot

When not together, we are on the phone or sending text messages to each other. The problem is that we have a lot of arguments as well. In fact, a lot more than any normal couple and it is very sad because if it wasn’t for these fights, we’d be the perfect couple. Sometimes it just feels like we cannot stand each other but that’s not true. What do I do?
— Anushree

Illustration/ Satish Acharya

Dear Anushree,
It appears that both of you believe in extreme behaviour. It’s clear that you two have an ego problem which leads to fights. Both of you get perturbed when one of you does something the other does not like. This is what leads to anger. It’s important that you recognise that your behaviour needs to change. It’s not always easy to admit mistakes. This realisation is a first step followed by a change in behaviour. Your anger may stem from the fact that you believe that all of your boyfriend’s actions should be devoted to you. When he doesn’t, it upsets you. And when you don’t, it irritates him. Sit down and sort out the problem before you take your relationship to the next level. No one else can help you in this, both of you need to stop flaring up at the slightest provocation.  

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