'My girlfriend does not believe in marriage...'

Dear Diana,
I've been with my girlfriend for five years. We are opposites by nature. I am an introvert while she is of an outgoing, carefree nature. Whenever I talk about marriage, she tells me she does not believe in it. She says we can live together and there is no need to get married. For her, marriage means just a piece of paper we sign and a ring that we wear. She feels there is no need to spend a bomb on the ceremonies and have lavish food spreads to be consumed by the guests. I come from a conservative family and such talk will come as a shock to my parents. I tried to make her understand, but she is adamant. Should I call it quits? Or should I try and explain to her that just for the sake of my family, go through the ceremonies?
— Vignesh

Illustration/Amit Bandre
Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Vignesh,
Many people believe that a piece of paper and a ring does not create any kind of commitment. They feel there is no need to go through the process as it will not change anything in their relationship. They feel that it does not stop you from going astray or from things going wrong. But if it irks your traditional family members, you can at least talk it out and explain their perspective to her. If she is adamant, you will have to convince her for a low-key ceremony. It appears that she does not believe in doing anything in excess. So you need to explain to her that it will be a small affair only in the presence of immediate family members. You also need to find out if there is anything that is playing on her mind. Or it might be that she is scared of marriage and she needs you to help her. At the same time don't rush her or make her decide now. It does take time to convince people. Also, right now she may not be in the marriage frame of mind, but some years down the line, her opinion may change. So be patient with her.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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