Dear Diana,
I have been with my guy for five years. We may appear to be a couple, but the truth is far from it. My guy just does not want to commit. Whenever I broach the topic, he just shrugs off the question and refuses to answer. He always has an excuse ready when I ask him about 'us'. Sometimes he does drop hints that he is interested in taking our so-called relationship to the next level, but that lasts for only a few hours as he goes back to his old ways. Recently he suggested that we move in together. I just can't understand his mindset. We have now been living together and are sharing the bills. Now when I ask him, if he is willing to commit, he says he won't talk about 'us' but is happy to stay with me. What am I supposed to make out of this? Should I trust such a man?
— Areeba

Illustration/Amit Bandre
Illustration/Amit Bandre

Dear Areeba,
This guy wants to be with you, but at the same time does not want to admit that you are a couple. His behaviour is rather strange and confusing. Five years is adequate time to make up his mind. Now that you are living in, he needs to decide whether he is happy to live like this or think of a future together. You want commitment while he does not. If you are thinking of marriage, you need to tell him about it. This man is living for the moment and is happy that you are around to share the household costs. Such an arrangement is working fine for you, at the same time you are keen on something more. There is clearly a clash of thoughts. You are assuming that he will marry you, while he feels this may or may not happen. He wants you to be on the same wavelength. If he sticks to his stance, you then have to decide whether you want to continue in the relationship or not. If you want commitment and he is being evasive, then you need to take a decision.