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My husband cheats on me, apologises and does it again

Updated on: 20 August,2010 06:59 AM IST  | 
Dear Diana |

Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

My husband cheats on me, apologises and does it again

Dear Diana,
I have repeatedly caught my husband ofu00a0 four years cheating on me. Every time I caught him, he would apologise and promise he won't do it again. I too let it go, thinking he would change after we had au00a0 baby. I feel weak and stupid but I love him and always forgive him.

When I ask him why he cheats, he says the girls he cheats with don't really mean anything to him. I am really confused and it's really difficult trusting him again. Recently, on a social networking site, I saw messages from his ex and some flirty new meesages from new girls.

Whenever I confront him, he assures me that if he didn't love me, he would have left me a long time ago... and that it's normal for guys to cheat. What should I do?



Debbie
Dear Debbie,

Four years is a long time, and I think you know what you have to do. Especially if he's been cheating virtually the entire time. In some cases, cheating is more or less an addiction to the thrill. Your husband wants to have his cake and eat it.

He wants to play the field, but also have you there... It sounds to me like he doesn't even care that he cheats. I don't think he's going to change. He knows he can get away with it so why would he stop? In his mind he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and you'll still be there.

He doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve to be cheated on and lied to again and again. Would you ever cheat on him? I presume no! So why should you sit there and allow yourself to be used and abused? If he really loved you... he wouldn't cheat on you!
u00a0
I know it would be hard to leave, but if you stay, I really don't think things will change no matter how many times you tell him how much it's hurting you.

In love with an older, married man...

Dear Diana,

I am 17 and I am in love with this guy who is a lot older than me. I see him a lot, and he turns me on. But he is married. I have tried to forget about him but when I see him again, it starts all over. What should I do?

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,

This kind of relationship can only end in tears. The longer you maintain it, the more trauma there will be all round. Finish it sooner rather than later.

Get out now. Stop all contact with him immediately. Go out with your friends and begin to forget him. In time, find a nice single guy.

I am afraid my girlfriend will dump me...

Dear Diana,

I cheated on my girlfriend a good while ago and I am very sorry. I was going to tell her but I could never gather courage enough to tell her.

Recently one of her friends told her. She was naturally upset and didn't talk to me for a long time. But after some time passed, she decided to give me another chance.
u00a0
But now I feel that things haven't been the same since. I am afraid I might lose her. What should I do?

Karan
Dear Karan,

You obviously didn't love her that much or you would never have cheated on her in the first place. And then to let her find out from a friend is really cruel.

You should've owned up straight away and then begged for forgiveness. Things haven't been the same since? I am not suprised!

She deserves to be treated right. Demonstrate every day that you love her and care about her. Be open and honest about your feelings towards her. Nurture and support her. Be real. If you do all these things then gradually her trust will return.

But show infinite patience, you need to give her all the time she needs. If she is willing to forgive and forget, then get on with your relationship. Just make sure you don't cheat on her again.




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