I have been married for 11 years and we have a nine-year-old son. Of late, I have been noticing a change in my husband's behaviour. I feel he is having an extra-marital affair. If not, then he is in the friendship stage of a relationship which he is guarded about. He has been keeping late nights often. He is often away on weekends. Even when he is at home, he spends time SMSing or is stepping out to talk on the phone. Whenever I have broached the subject, he tells me that I suffer from paranoia and that I am being suspicious. He then stops talking to me. What do I do? How do I get to know the truth? Sometimes I feel that I should follow him to know what he is up to. At times I feel I am over reacting. All this is affecting our peace of mind.
Till you don't know for sure, you cannot point a finger at him. You appear to be of a suspicious mind and as your husband is telling you, stop being paranoid. If he is reaching home late, it does not mean that he is having an affair. If he is not at home during weekends, it does not spell that he is away with a woman. Your husband can be friends with a woman, it is no big deal as long as he does not cross the line. You are just assuming that he is hiding something from you. He may be preoccupied and there could be something else that is affecting him. It may not be an affair, as you assume. It could be some work related stress. Instead of nagging him and being suspicious, why don't you sit down and have a chat with him? Tell him your fears and tell him to came clean. Chances are that it could be something else, but if there is a woman, he needs to tell you the truth as he is indulging in an extra-marital affair.
Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at firstname.lastname@example.org, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012