'My pal is unsure about his sexuality...'

Dear Diana,
I recently told my best buddy that I am attracted to him. I am gay and quite open about it. My family is aware of it and they are cool about it. I also take an active part in gay rights groups. My buddy is still unsure and afraid. He does not know how to tell his family. I have come to terms with my sexuality while he is not yet even ready to admit that he is also gay. We have been together for six months. I am keen to get physical with him, but he has his set of fears and apprehensions. How do I explain to him that I love him? He just wants me to be his friend, so avoids any physical relations. He says he is confused and does not know what to do. At the same time he says that he is attracted to me. He feels once he admits to his family about it, he will be a relieved man. How do I help him? I love him a lot and want to spend my life with him?
— Rohan


Dear Rohan,
Your buddy is a confused guy. It is not embarrassing or abnormal or wrong to be gay. At the same time you have to understand that he may be finding it tough to come out in the open due to several factors at work. At the same time he can't stay closetted and refrain from speaking out what is on his mind. You need to support him. He has to be strong, talk to people he can trust about it. He can also be part of support groups which can help him overcome his fears. Do not force him to do something he is not comfortable doing. Give him space and time. You have come to terms with your sexuality and are open about it. But it must have been tough initially to tell your near and dear ones. He is still in that in-between phase so let him be comfortable first and then think of taking the relationship to the next level. Be patient, instead of pushing him to do things he does not want at this juncture.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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