From a strange new diktat to ban roasted food to bizarre comparisons between Govinda and Deepika Padukone, we give you a bunch of shocking stories that are sure to shake you...
Not our choice
Makers of 1995 film Gambler allege Deepika Padukone's 'My Choice' video is a blatant copy of the 'Meri Marzi' song featuring Govinda
Producers of the 1995 film Gambler plan to send a legal notice to a fashion house for copyright infringement. This is in lieu of a video released by the company called 'My Choice' featuring Deepika Padukone and hordes of other women.
Govinda and Deepika Padukone
The video was helmed by a well known director. The producers of the Govinda-starrer 'Gambler' claim that the words used in this video are eerily similar to one of the songs in their film, 'Meri Marzi'.
A source close to the producers says, "It is almost the same song. They have just replaced Govinda with Deepika and translated the song title to English." When asked for other examples, the source adds: "The video has Deepika saying 'to marry or not marry, my choice'.
In Govinda's song, there is a line saying, 'Main apni shaadi mein naa jaaun meri marzi' (it's my choice if I don't attend my wedding) so it is clear where they drew inspiration from." The 'Meri Marzi' song was sung by Devang Patel.
Roast food in morality oven
State government decides to ban roasted food items to wipe out public memory of the controversial AIB Roast
It is no secret that the AIB Roast featuring Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor ended up being more of a roast of the comic group All India Bakchod than the young actors whom the former set out to roast.
Karan Johar hosted the AIB Knockout
Now we hear that the Maharashtra government, which was probing various allegations of vulgarity against the show, has now taken a rather harsh decision that will affect all those who like it grilled. Official sources confirm that chief minister Devendra Fadnavis has given his assent to a bill that will yank off roasted food items off dining tables across the state.
A well placed source in the culture department says, "First, it was beef and now it is going to be all roasted food items. A list of items is yet to released, but in the meantime, I have to hoard as much roast coffee as I can because that is one thing I will not be able to do without."
The AIB team seemed all fired up when informed about the decision, but refused to comment.
Moral science lessons, anyone?
I&B ministry proposes more pop-up warnings for intimate as well as regular scenes to warn and enlighten cinegoers
After the no-smoking and no-alcohol warnings that often pop up while watching films, the Information and Broadcasting (I&B) ministry has apparently proposed for the introduction of several more guidelines.
The new proposal includes warnings like 'Wear seatbelt' whenever a car is shown, 'Don't cut/ disturb trees' when a couple romances around trees, 'Beware of AIDS and STDs' as and when a kissing or intimate scene is shown. Besides, the 'Hum do, hamaare do' family planning jingle will be played just before and after under-the-sheets scenes.
Outraged, a director on condition of anonymity says, "All these warnings will take up the first hour of a film. So we might end up only making short films now onwards, which might be shorter in duration than these social service ads."
There is also buzz about multiplex owners planning to increase the ticket prices as the audience will get to watch extra hours of these documentaries telling them what not to do in their lives.
Zip your lips
Censor Board chief joins hands with traffic police to slap motorists with 'A' certificate if found hurling abuses during road rage incidents
Citizens are hereby warned not to use cuss words in case of a road rage. For, Censor Board chief Pahlaj Nihalani will be working hand-in-hand with the traffic police towards establishing a new rule for confiscation of the license of motorists who don't refrain from using the choicest of expletives during road rage.
Nihalani, who has ruffled many a feather with his recent diktats, has earlier been quoted saying "Some people do not like that I have restored discipline…". However, if that premonition wasn't enough, the real certification will happen on a road next to you. "Once caught, your car will get an 'A' certificate, which can be a real embarrassment," says a Censor Board member, who resigned soon after Nihalani met the traffic ACP last afternoon.
This is indeed bad news for driving instructors as teaching the b****c**ds and m****c**ds, in Nihalani's words, is as much a part of the course as the clutch, gear and accelerator.
A taxi driver who also teaches yoga suggests that motorists look for new ways to de-stress from traffics woes as exercising the vocal chords is no longer an option.
Raid on Censor Board office
On Tuesday evening, Censor Board members were in for a shock when a team of self-styled moral police stormed into the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC) office, apparently to seize 'pornographic' material that didn't go down well with 'our culture'.
Sources say the attackers had heard about the office being in possession of some 'offensive' films to watch them over and over again before banning them.
"However, they found no shred of evidence and could only seize several sheets of a long list of cuss words stuck on every table as well as in every nook and corner of the CBFC office," adds a source.
All stories on this page are a work of fiction, but we hope they were worth your while this April Fools’ Day. P.S.: This was not an attempt to give ideas to anyone; let there be freedom of expression!