The esteemed gent, known in social media circles as NaMo, woke up one morning, looked at himself in the mirror and said, “I’m sick of this wimpy petname, NaMo. Su naam che, NaMo? It has no dynamism, no power. I am a man of purpose, an action star. I have been called Rambo by the media. It is a worthy name. I am sachmuch Rambo. I am even like Rambo in personality, very masculine, and I do look a lot like Sylvester Stallone. Actually our face profiles are same to same. Also, with my daredevil rescue operations in Uttarakhand, I have just drawn first blood. The film was a big box office hit. Now I need to make a sequel, which will certainly establish my star appeal.”
“I have a great plot idea — my arena is Bharat, which needs to be saved from the clutches of an incompetent leader called ManMo,” he thought to himself.
So, he sent the following tweets to his 1.8 million followers: @RamBo — Making movie. Casting has started. Send in suggestions.
@ RamBo — Bollywood badshahs and political personalities — they’ll all be in my movie.
@ RamBo — I am India’s first superstar politician
@ RamBo — My bravado rescue operation in Uttarkhand was called ‘First Blood’.
The sequel will be called ‘RamBo 2 — Attack of the UPA.”
The story he thought of was very powerful. India is in the hands of corrupt politicians called DumBo. They have spent many years in dynastic power, and are holding the entire country to ransom. RamBo decides to put together a team of fearless mercenaries to save the nation from DumBo.
This is a very treacherous, tricky mission. It needs expert, experienced fighters. Specialists in hard line politics and hand-to-hand combat.
Now, the team he chooses is as follows.
RamBo’s deputy is a brave man, so what if he has been in jail and involved in various scandals, he is a great survivor.
He is named ScamBo.
Next on his team are his three iron ladies, collectively called JumBo.
The first is that bullet-proof jacket clad woman from Tamil Nadu, JumBo 1. The second is the tough former Chief Minister from Lucknow, JumBo 2. And the third is that firebrand from West Bengal —the ultimate Kolkota Knight Rider herself.
And as they go into battle, she, JumBo 3, lets out their battle cry —“KorBo LorBo JeetBo”
That is the political quota. From the filmi fraternity, he ropes in the first family of Bollywood - BigBo, JayaBo, AbhiAshBo and their beautiful little BoPeep.
And for the glamour factor he selects the one and only, BeBo.
RamBo is very excited. So the first date of shooting is fixed, the cast finalised, and RamBo is just getting into his commando costume and make-up when his phone rings.
It is the CBI.
“Mr RamBo, this is to inform you that shooting has already started for another biopic on your life, by our in-house film production outfit.”
“Really? How dare you without my permission? What is the movie called?” RamBo asks sceptically.
“Close Encounters of the Fake Kind.”
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.
J. Jayalalithaa passes away: Her life in pictures
Photos: Shah Rukh Khan, Deepika Padukone, Alia Bhatt at an awards show
Photos: Big B, Iulia Vantur at Himesh Reshammiya's album launch
Photos: Aamir Khan with 'Dangal' actresses at fashion show
Spotted: Twinkle Khanna, Shriya Saran at an event in Mumbai