With Wolverine out in theatres and X-Men on our minds, Sunday MiD DAY tells you how to deal with mutant former boyfriends... and how to turn ex-lovers into super heroes
With Wolverine out in theatres and X-Men on our minds, Sunday MiD DAY tells you how to deal with mutant former boyfriends... and how to turn ex-lovers into super heroes
I had a dream last night. All my exu2013lovers had gathered in one room and were comparing notes on how theyu00a0... er we, broke up. In the end, some had claws breaking through their skin, some bayed at the moon through the iron grill and some merely scratched their heads in sheer confusion. Then they landed up drinking many shots of blood and howling, "Blast it, let's drink to her the life-long friendship and memories of all the good times we've had with her." 
I've had my share of Ex-Men of all variety boyfriends, lovers and a husband thrown in for good measure and with the exception of one, they've all turned into "good friends". Now if you're like me and can let bygones be bygones without the person being gone from your life, there are advantages of turning your ex-lover into your best friend.
Unless he or she was the lover from hell, you'll find comfort in knowing that you'll have a friend who's pretty much seen the best and worst in you and shared moments that could be specifically special to the both of you.
Different lovers (and I use the term generically here to any partner) have seen me in different phases of my life and crossed different milestones with me. I believe they came into my life to fulfill a certain purpose. To teach me to love, hurt, live, learn, cry, laugh and handle heartbreak with dignity. They came at a particular moment in time when no one else could have taught me the life lesson that I needed to learn.
For that alone, I cherish the memories, laugh at the mistakes and get on with my life. I draw from the very best that the person can offer. Of course you need some time off before you can change the equation. Depending on the intensity of the relationship, it may take weeks, months or even years. But once you've decided to take that turn, all it takes is a lot of levity to let go of the grudges and enjoy the person from a fresh perspective.
I have an ex-husband whose mind I admire tremendously and who never fails to update me on the latest book to read or film to watch, ex-lovers who advise me on what shares to invest in, what to do if I crash my car, and even some generous souls who've offered to find the perfect man for me!
But it is a bit of an art converting an ex to a friend and in my experience, there are a couple of cardinal rules to keep in mind if you dare to venture into this tricky territory.
Firstly, remember that it's OVER. The friendship, the caring and maybe even the loving remains, but the relationship is over. No getting nostalgic or sentimental, no playing hokey pokey with the ex, which means hugs, kisses and anything beyond are definitely out of bounds. Intimacy with the ex is the one thing you should avoid like the plague it triggers off hormonal reactions that go straight to the head and unscrew the crucial logic nut.u00a0
Secondly, never offer more information about your life than necessary especially of the wonderful holiday you've taken with your current squeeze. It doesn't auger well for the friendship if you're holding up a cosier picture of your life now than the one you shared in the past with your ex.
I've also had exes writing off my current so dismissively that I've had to take severe reality checks to figure out whether the man in my life is really such a loser. I discovered that men and women don't like other men and women in the same territory. Past or present. Full stop. Similarly, no offering any memories of your ex to your current. The two should be kept as far away from each other in time and space as possible.
And thirdly, keep the dignity. Walk away if the blame game starts because that's just not worth the heartache all over again.
There's no better way to approach the future than to smile at the past and women, if the Ex-Men, mutant or not, can help you get there, you'll have nothing to lose.u00a0
Reshma Ghosh is a freelance writer and director
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