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The lighter side of dark days

Since the handling of the spot fixing scandal resembles a circus, I decided to look at the lighter side and come up with a prescription which will ‘help’ Indian cricket and the men who run it.

So here goes...

>> Change the name from Board of Control for Cricket in India to Board of Constant Chaos in India. Yes, the word Cricket is not factored in, but in any case, whatever is happening now is just not cricket. Looking at the tamasha of the Indian Premier League, it makes you think the BCCI is not really interested in cricket.


A constant presence: The media in full attendance at the BCCI’s Cricket Centre in Mumbai

>> Ban all important decisions from being taken in Chennai. It creates too much confusion for everybody.

>> All meetings to be held in Dharamsala. This will ensure a minimal media turn-out. Himachal Pradesh Cricket Association must organise these meetings at the picturesque stadium so that it is put to more use.

>> Appoint a PR agency to answer all media queries. Doesn’t matter if they are not answered. At least the media will have the satisfaction of asking questions to someone.

>> Put the BCCI conference room at the Cricket Centre in Mumbai to further use. Warring political parties should be invited to meet in this room in the build-up to next year’s general elections. Just being in that room will ensure everyone agrees with everyone like the BCCI members do.

>> Piped music should have tunes like Mera Jeevan Kora Kagaz (after the clean chits given to Chennai Super Kings and Rajasthan Royals), Queen’s We are the Champions, Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, Pink Floyd’s Money, Billy Joel’s My Life and Florence and the Machine’s Kiss with a Fist whose lyrics run like this:

You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate
Over my head

>> Organise two shows a day for the public on the history of BCCI so that they know there were BCCI chiefs before N Srinivasan.

>>  Have a museum only on Lalit Modi -- to drive home the point that he is indeed history.

>> Within that museum, a small cupboard for Gurunath Meiyappan’s IPL passes/hats to be displayed - Team Principal, Owner, Selector, Well-wisher, Son-in-law etc.

>> Change the name of BCCI website from Bcci.tv to something else. With so much criticism from the electronic media and those 9 pm panelists why have anything to do with TV?

>> Whoever enters the Cricket Centre in Mumbai must not miss the large screen showing India’s tour of Australia in 1999-2000, the 2007 World Cup in West Indies, India vs England Test series of 2011 and India vs Australia Tests of 2011-12. This will remind them that things have been worse for Indian cricket.

>> Stick below posters on the walls:
Form is temporary. Please bear with us.
Forgive and forget. Look what we did to Jaggu.

The Greatest: Not Ali, not Don, not MSD. The IPL!

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Clayton Murzello is MiD DAY’s Group Sports Editor. He co-authored a book of funny cricket stories with present chief selector Sandeep Patil in 2006.

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