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The truth about Akhand Bharat

Meenakshi Shedde  Guru Tamasoma exploded with rage. This media ignorance is the biggest problem, he thundered. Media don’t know any facts. They think Westerners and Muslims were first in everything, but, in fact, Akhand Bharat was. There is no pride in Tejomay Bharat (Shining India) — something must be done. What Boko Haram, Taliban, ISIS all the time? All paid news by Al-Qaeda. They are controlling one-one, two-two chhota mota countries, but Akhand Bharat is controlling India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Nepal, Bhutan, Tibet, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Burma — so full world. Baki su chhe? Rest is all maya, tchah!

Just see what Vidhushak is saying: “Media is writing, ‘Islamic fundamentalists stoned to death 13-year-old girl in Somalia who was raped.’ Now,  how can such a small girl be raped? Obviously there was that co-co sex — how they are telling in English? Conjoined sex? No, consensual sex? Something like that. But in Gujarat, they are practising ancient Vedic wisdom technique called maitri karar, or ‘friendship contract’, later made into ‘service agreement’ for years. But media is not giving them proper publicity, just because they are not American or NRI.” I agree. I am telling them, don’t angry me, hanh?

Boko Haram
Last month, Boko Haram kidnapped 250 schoolgirls in Nigeria and claimed they would sell them as slave brides. Pic/AFP

Then Vidhushak is saying, “Media is writing, ‘ISIS has ordered women to wear full veil or be whipped’. But even before Akhand Bharat, in Mahabharata, when Dusshasana tried to remove Draupadi’s sari, Lord Krishna saved her by covering her fully with a long sari, that was not finishing only. Later ISIS is adapting our original Hindu idea and saying cover up, full face veil.” Koi vando nathi, I am telling him, we are knowing what is truth.

Latest is that Boko Haram has kidnapped 250 schoolgirls in Nigeria and will sell them as slave brides. Vidhushak is saying, “Since Akhand Bharat we are world class experts in slave brides. But we don’t need to kidnap, we just have to show kundalis are matching, and marriage is happening, hah, hah! Now I hear that Boko Haram means ‘Western education is a sin’. Then they are our true bhais.

I was not knowing before, otherwise we could have invited Boko Haram at Modibhai’s prime ministerial swearing-in.” Yes, brothers of the world, unite against Westernisation! Eh, they are Muslims? Toh forget it!

Vidhushak is saying, “All these fundus only stone half-buried women, order full face veils and generator mutilation — ya jo kuch hai woh. But Akhand Bharat is A1 superior. We gang-rape young girls, we hang their bodies from mango trees. When they are buried, we won’t allow exhumation for investigation until the river sweeps their bodies away. Because Vedic palmist already predicted they would die of eating too much mango on moonless night.” Hanh, bhai, so is media questioning Vedic palmistry, Bharatiya sanskar and hurting Hindu sentiments or what?

Vidhushak is very clever. He is saying, “Taliban doesn’t allow girls to go to school or work. Then how they will brainwash next generation? Arre, Taliban is kachcha limbu — only Akhand Bharat has long-term vision. So we provide pure Hindu education through school textbooks, so our children take pride in Bharatiya sanskriti, knowing tip-top everything about Vedic palmistry,  how to get children by doing service to go-mata (cows), advanced Hanuman aviation, and how consuming ghee daily eases passage of the soul. Then only media will give Akhand Bharat due credit.” Sometimes I am having doubt about this Vidhushak fellow. But yes, I am sure by next generation, Akhand Bharat will conquer full world, and put Google and his baap in its pocket. Rest is all maya.

Meenakshi Shedde is India Consultant to the Berlin Film Festival, an award-winning critic, curator to festivals worldwide, and journalist. She can be reached at meenakshishedde@gmail.com.

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

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