Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
Q. I am a 23-year-old girl who wants to become sexier. What do I do?
A. Some people believe Priyanka Chopra is sexy; others get turned on thinking about Donald Trump. The idea of what ‘sexy’ means is subjective, as you will probably figure out by the time you turn 60 and can no longer do much about it. It makes more sense to accept who you are now and revel in it. If you view yourself as sexy, without trying to change yourself, it will prompt other people to perceive you as sexy too. The minute you accept that none of us are perfect (despite what the BJP says about Narendra Modi), you will be able to project who you really are instead of trying to be what other people want you to be.
Q. Is quality time really important in a relationship?
A. No, it’s unimportant. Spend more time with yourself, ignore the people you are closest to, watch television instead of chatting with your partner, and die alone and unloved.
Q. How can my girlfriend and I build trust between each other?
A. If you both do what you say you will do, keep your promises, big or small, and communicate as honestly as you can about your feelings, wants and desires, you’re on your way towards a solid relationship built on trust. If you don’t want to keep any of your promises, and do the opposite of what you say, you probably have a great career in politics waiting for you.
Q. My girlfriend is upset with me because I don’t follow her on Twitter. I don’t even have a Twitter account. What do I do about this ridiculous issue?
A. There’s nothing much you can do about it. Your girlfriend obviously believes she has something incredibly important to say on Twitter, which is worrying because it implies she says nothing of importance in real life, and wants you to receive those words of wisdom on an hourly basis. If it’s so important to her, set up an account, follow her and forget about it.
The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to firstname.lastname@example.org