These are the things that should defi be banned

May 17, 2015, 08:02 IST | Rahul Da Cunha

Rahul da CunhaWhat a week. The North Korean leader kills one of his guys with an anti-aircraft gun. Bit of overkill, no? A small revolver would have sufficed. Our PM on his never-ending world tour was last seen inspecting Chinese statues, while his own ministers are planning to build statues in the Arabian Sea. My know-it-all nariyal pani wala says wisely, "Acche din sirf unke liye hai." Amma is back chief ministering. Sallu is back acting. And Raju has resumed, well, Satyaming.

Illustration/Amit Bandre

Rahul hanging out with farmers, fighting for their cause, going on 14-day walks with them, more to show the BJP's shortcomings than any real Congress USP. Arvind Kejriwal is the most tiresome, spending all his waking hours rabble-rousing within AAP than running Delhi. Is this our future? Closer home, the state is an absolute mess. Much eating into the state exchequer has occurred, many empty promises made, and errant ministers running rampant. You’ll argue that they’ve always been rampant, irrespective of which government's in power. Fair enough.

But for me annoyance turned to anger when the bans started. No booze in the Middle East, cover your head in Turkey, these are custom, age-old diktats, kya karega? But in a democracy, to have these bans? That, too, for harmless things. And the stuff that should be banned, is overlooked. Often with no sense and often with ulterior motive. There are two things I love — Haka beef and Horn Ok Please. The first for its taste. The second for the kitschy designs. Both are now banned. And I'm pissed off. There are many things I'd like the government to pay attention to, instead.

So when I’m angry, I write protest songs. Here’s the one I wrote. I set it to the tune of the most goody-goody song ever composed. 'These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things’ - I’ve renamed it, "These Are The Things That Should Defi Be Banned". You know the tune, right? Here it is. Sing along please.

Random road breaking
And digging at will
BMC working
At night with their drill
Wide open ditches
With a city unplanned
These are the things that should defi be banned

Pissing in public
And spitting on walls
Men scratching privates
And staring at girls
Passing lewd comments
With roving eyes and a hand
These are the things that should defi be banned

Snot-covered pavements
Red paan on the walls
Honking and driving
While taking phone calls
Cops when you need them
Never around
But always prepared
For a bribe with a scowl

Salman and Amma
And Raju and bail
The magic mantra
To stay out of jail
Vile talking netas
Tied up in scams
These are the thing that should be defi be banned

What do you think, dear reader? Good lyrics, na?
Now sing once more with feeling — These are the things that should defi be banned.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

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