I met a guy through a mutual friend a few months ago.
Dear Diana,
I met a guy through a mutual friend a few months ago. He told our friend that he really likes me (I feel the same about him). The problem is he seems to be blowing hot and cold.
He has told a number of people that he is interested in me and when I see him, he acts as if he is (asking me questions, walking me home etc). The problem is he doesn't seem to make much effort to see me. The thing is recently he said he'd come out one evening (again in a wider group of friends) and then he cancels at the last minute saying he is too tired.
I'm starting to take it personally thinking if he's as interested in me as he says he is, he would make the effort to come out! Am I overreacting about this? I haven't put any pressure on him at all to move things forward. Is this something I should pursue? I really like him!
Janice
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Dear Janice,
It doesn't really seem like you're overreacting. More like he doesn't want to take this anything beyond a date. Although, why he would need chaperones (the wider group of friends) is baffling. Surely, it can't be about acceptance. It's he who has to spend the most time with you.
If he needs people to tell you that he's not going too wrong by dating you, he probably doesn't deserve to be with you in the first place. Then to go ahead and cancel a date at the last minute is just not done! It wasn't as if you were going to eat him up or something. He can't play hard to get for no reason at all.
Besides, it has only been a few months. The more you meet, the better the two of you will get to know each other. And if he cannot get a simple thing like that into his head, he isn't worth it!
I want us to talk non-stop, for him to be less shy
Dear Diana,
My boyfriend and I have been dating since February 5 and we don't know too much about each other. I know we both really like each other but whenever we are on the phone, we usually don't talk. I told him not to be shy around me, that he can be himself.
He just says he has nothing to talk about. I don't want it to be like that. I want us to be able to talk non-stop and I think it is because he is a little shy. I just got out of a two-year relationship with a guy who was a jerk. And so, in some ways, this relationship with my new guy is like a new start. I was wondering what I can do to have him open up to me more? He said that he has some trust issues. I want to become really close to him and I need to know how we can do this.
Urmi
Dear Urmi,
It's only been a month. Don't fret so much. Although, it is a bit puzzling what it is you do on the phone if you twodon't talk. Have you considered that "being himself" could imply very plainly that he is shy? That would make him more conscious about this trait.
Put him at ease and don't push him too much. He will open up to you once he's ready. Although, I wouldn't discount the possibility that he's just putting up a front. Of course, your concern is growing close to him. And that can only happen if he converses with you. Go out more often and let him talk.
Listen. Offer your point of view. And then let him do the talking. There are a million ways of breaking the ice and you will make a few of your own along the way. Just don't think too much about it. If and when it has to happen, it will.
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