shot-button
Subscription Subscription
Home > News > Opinion News > Article > Why do wives remain loyal

Why do wives remain loyal?

Updated on: 04 September,2011 03:07 AM IST  | 
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown The Independent / The Interview People |

Anne Sinclair was born into a prosperous family and went on to become a star TV interviewer in France, widely admired for her considerable intellect and also her beauty

Why do wives remain loyal?

Anne Sinclair was born into a prosperous family and went on to become a star TV interviewer in France, widely admired for her considerable intellect and also her beauty.
u00a0
But she wasn't a global celebrity. Now she is, big time, and not in a good way: the subject of newspaper profiles and unending media speculation about her emotions, motives and behaviour.







The charges have now been dismissed, but in France he has been described as a "rutting chimpanzee" by a woman who has accused him of attempted rape.

The story is, for some, a latter-day Thomas Hardy tragedy of a gifted man undermined by his own flawed nature. Others see him as an unsavoury character exemplifying sexism in France.

But all sides are intrigued by his wife, neither a doormat, nor a dependent quite the opposite: without her money and ambitions DSK would not have climbed to the top of the political and economic establishments.

Why do wives stick with treacherous spouses? More enigmatically, what makes betrayed women, who themselves are professional winners, hang in there, wearing humiliation as if it is a designer dress? Maybe the wives of horny footballers stay because the lifestyle is worth it.

But that can't explain why Hillary Clinton is still with Bill, or why the remarkable reformer Eleanor Roosevelt never parted from her husband Franklin, who had many affairs and mistresses, or Maria Shriver, a best-selling author and award-winning journalist, who chose to marry Arnold Schwarzenegger and defended him when his many infidelities were revealed. (Though this year she finally filed for divorce.)

Boris Johnson's wife Marina is a respected lawyer who has not walked away from the Mayor in spite of his exploits. I know another top barrister, a self-made millionairess, an actress and at least two female journalists who all are still with husbands who have betrayed them often with au pairs or nannies. What's that about?

It's a question I frequently ask myself, having been in a similar position many years ago. I let my first husband occasionally play around to "get it out of his system".

It was incredibly painful and degrading. Twice I tried to hurt him back in kind. Utterly stupid. I try to understand myself as I was then. Some of it must have been stubbornness and an inability to admit failure or bad judgement. Then there was that instinct of a woman to try to preserve her family.
u00a0
He persuaded me that whatever little treats he gave himself, I was the real thing, his best friend, intellectual partner, wife and mother. A part of me must have believed that was a huge compliment.

Playing in my head was also an idea of men as frail creatures unable to help themselves. And then there was love, deep everlasting love, I thought, that would survive the storms and come out again like the sun. He left me in the end. None of this was about masochism or an inability to survive on my own. It was extreme idealism.
I have often been savagely critical of wives who don't throw out their adulterous husbands, maybe because I can't forgive myself.

But now I do see that some such wives find strength and dignity in their marriage vows. Though their gods be false, they, like Anne Sinclair, are pure devotees in the temple of love. They deserve our respect, not scorn.

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!


Mid-Day Web Stories

Mid-Day Web Stories

This website uses cookie or similar technologies, to enhance your browsing experience and provide personalised recommendations. By continuing to use our website, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. OK