The Mumbai Marathon scared the living daylights out of me. No, not being the usual party pooper, heres what happened. I have been away from this city for an extended period of time, and only just returned last week.
As I indifferently surfed the telly that fateful Sunday morn, I saw a whole lot of Mumbaikars run like crazy. They were all scooting the industrialists, the movie stars, the sports heroes, the housewives, the bhaiyyas, the beggars, the lepers, the eunuchs the physically challenged, the mentally challenged, the spiritually challenged.
And I thought O me god, somethings gone terribly wrong. Two horrors immediately flashed by the mind. One, Ms Tsunami had decided to say a cheery good morning to the west coast. Or worse, the BMC had decided to bulldoze the entire city to the ground (not an entirely unwelcome idea, if you give it a deeper thought).
Shitting bricks, I began to run too. Right out of my house. Onto the streets. And the patli gullies. Wearing only my tea-stained pajamas. And carrying only my credit card. And I ran like mad.
Much to the amusement of passers-by. A helpful tapori reassured me that what I saw on TV was part of some festival, Koi race-vace chaloo hai baap, aakhi janta bhaag reli hai. Hugely relieved, I trudged back home. Happy to be alive.
However, totally confused on one thing: why do people have to run to raise money for charity? Whats the big deal about it? Why not dance, crawl, spin, twirl, shake, pout, heave, whatever? Why cant people donate for a good cause minus all the unnecessary tamasha?
Also, if our celebs must run, why not grab brooms and run after the BMC sweepers who never seem to be doing their jobs the city is forever littered with crap.
Or grab pickaxes and run after the absconding public works contractors who dig up the citys roads every winter and then forget to refill them till the monsoons arrive?
In any case, at the end of the high-drama day, who pocketed the max dosh? An obscure Kenyan runner. What a bloody waste of time and energy.
What are we rewarding?
A number of media entities like to give away awards as part of their brand-building process, and so with the boom in the media, there has been a boom in awards too some Bollywoodians attend more award ceremonies than they have movies on hand.
But whats upsetting is when people get awarded for dubious achievements, only because someone has to be given away all those trophies.
The Page 3 peoples very own mag, Magna groups Society, has announced awards for Indias Top 100 Young Achievers. Sounds like a thoughtful idea till you read the list of the winners.
Shahid Kapur (wot? For kissing in public?), Rahul Gandhi (you and I can win Amethi too, if our family name was Gandhi), Gautam Singhania (is this complete man still young?), Abhishek Bachchan (you gotta be kidding me), Milind Deora (what has this dude done apart from the energetic television sound-bytes?), John Abraham (do you really believe this hunk can act???), Siddharth Tytler (didnt know the lad designs clothes hope he designs turbans for orphans of the 1984 riot victims), Akhilesh Yadav (did the Big B canvass for him?), Yuvraj Singh (is he still in the team?), Esha Deol (is she still around?), Katrina Kaif (hey! Ive got great legs too!), Upen Patel (whos he?).
Dont get me wrong I think it is a great idea to encourage young talent, am all for it. But please, can we be a little picky?
Modis law of motion
If the Banerjee Commission Report on the Gujarat riots is accurate, Shri Narendrabhai just rewrote Newtons first law of motion: FOR EVERY NON-ACTION, THERE IS STILL A HARD AND FORCEFUL REACTION.
anil@mid-day.com
