"How can I possibly interfere in Kiran's project?" is what the Rang de Basanti actor said in an interview recently. Isn't that a strange statement coming from an actor known to meddle in others' affairs? It must have been quite a resolution, we understand. But we appreciate his resolve and with our guidelines, it should come easy to you. Here's how to tell if you are sticking your nose in your partner's business, and where to hold it, if you're crossing the line.
But... don't you have the right?
Of course, you do. Helping your spouse with his/her professional pursuits, keeping yourself up to date with his/her work-business developments, responsibilities, challenges, aspirations and colleague relations, and pulling as many strings as you can to get him/her that dream job are things that go without saying. That is unless your partner raises objection or appears disturbed with your involvement. In most cases, however, he/she will only love you more for it, so if you haven't been paying attention to that work pulse, start before he/she quits you, that is!
Involve yourself intelligently
To prevent unwanted over-participation in your lover's work, make sure you're always there, but in the right way. No matter how much more experienced you are profile or age-wise, these factors should not cause you to feel the slightest superiority while guiding your significant other in work matters. Ego shouldn't be the driving force, and seniority is no license for taang adaana.
This is how you do it:
An unobtrusive "how was your day?" is enough. If there's anything else he/she wants to tell you, it will come out in its own good time. Don't predict a crisis on your own.
If your partner is visibly upset due to an assignment, offer help and then let it be. Don't prod further.
If you share the same job, respect differences and keep them off the dinner table.
Remember the fine line that divides asserting from imposing.
Criticise, but "I told you so", is a total no-no. Allow your mate to make his/her mistakes and learn from them.
If you feel your partner is growing uncomfortable with your attitude towards his/her work, talk it out right away.
Nosey spouse?
How to ask him/her to lay off
Making your loved one realise the fact that he/she is impeding your professional growth, can be one of the toughest tasks. Canada-based counsellor Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem tells you how to get it right.
Tell your spouse that he/she is welcome to give suggestions, but they must accept the fact that the advice may not be used.
Explain that clear boundaries between business relationships and friendships are needed.
Inform your spouse that they do not have the responsibility to fix all your problems.
Be clear that you are the one active in the business, and it is you who will make all the decisions.
Explain that your work environment is not a place for them to form alliances, seek friendships or pass comments.
Devi Cherian, columnist and social worker, talks about her husband, Dilip
Dilip is my worst critic and best advisor. He never hinders my work and never raises objection, even if I write mean things about his clients. We agree to disagree on many things. Though he helps me weigh the pros and cons, he never decides for me.
Manish Sinha, senior vice-president at Mudra, talks about his wife, Shilpi
My wife Shilpi, who's an HR professional, helps me by giving me space to indulge myself at home. In turn, I act as the guinea pig, a sounding board and ideation stimulus for her activities. Our work interactions are mostly positive; they are about understanding the nitty-gritty of each other's jobs.
