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 Here we are, worried about recession and interest rates and pink slips, and what does a 35-year-old man from China go and do? Lin Chunjiang blows out 12 candles with his eyes. In one minute!
Now, this is serious.
We don't want people to start getting ideas and thinking they can blow out air from wherever they want. No, no, no, let's not even go there. Besides, at this point in time, we don't want people blowing out the little light that's left. We want some more candles lit. So mind it, Chunjiang.
And to make up for the darkness and gloom the likes of Chunjiang and Lehman Brothers cast on our lives, here are five feel-good nuggets that will help you breeze through the looming recession.
Point 1: Remember how all those experts were telling us about the boom time? How the climate was perfect to invest? In anything. Homes, tech, dog food, tech homes that serve dog food. Anything. And we did, right?
And we were all proved wrong, right?
So, now when the experts tell us that SOMETHING is wrong, we should do what every sensible human being (that leaves out the experts) should be doing at this stage. Namely, stick one thumb to the tip of your nose, wave the four fingers in the manner of a mini Mexican wave and say: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah nyah!
It is an intensely satisfying moment even if you return to your mortgaged home a moment later to find that the bank men have made off with it. Wait, cut off that last sentence. This was meant to be a feel-good nugget.
Point 2: This is what our parents have been telling is since our diaper days: Don't, my child, hanker after wealth, they would say during their attempts at character-building. Did we listen to them? No, we didn't.
Instead, we listened to absolute strangers aka experts and invested in a tech home that serves tech food.
Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah nyah! (That one was from the parents. Wait till THEY get back home. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!)
Point 3: Invest (that dratted word again) in a good economics book. And learn up key phrases that are being bandied back and forth not just by policy wonks but normal people like you and me. Like cash reserve ratio and repo rate and reverse repo rate.
So, if someone is saying how it's a good idea for the Reserve Bank to bring down the repo rate, you can puff out your chest and pipe in: Yes, yes, yes, what we need is a reverse repo rate. And with that warm glow enveloping you the glow that comes from having been part of a meaningful conversation you can head back to your ho.... Let's just leave it at that, shall we?
Point 4: Don't neglect your friends anymore. Remember that sterling bit of advice: friends in need are friends indeed? You need them.
Pick up that long-forgotten telephone book (these friends will obviously date back to the pre-mobile phone era) and start calling them up. It's a bit inconvenient. But tell them to let bygones be bygones and with your home and hearth gone, you need a place to shack up in. Remind them, very gently, about friends in need.
Point 5: Don't brood. Sure, not everything is hunky-dory. Sure, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and Lehman Brothers and AIG are no longer what they used to be but hello, they are just a handful. There are hundreds of banks and financial institutions still standing tall. And they are more than willing to lend you money. The only problem is, they don't have any.
And they want YOU to do your bit for the global economy and not take your money out of the bank and stuff it inside your pillow and stitch it up again. Hah! Little do the poor sods know that the bank men not only took back the mortgaged house, the furniture went with it.
But please don't brood. This is only worldly wealth. So long as the spirit is intact. And when the spirit is intact, you can do ANYTHING. Even blow out candles with your eyes.
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