Illustration/Satish Acharya

Dear Diana,

I am 21 and love a boy living in Dubai. He also loves me a lot but the problem is that he doesn't want me to work anywhere. I can't leave either the job or him. If I join the company, he will not talk with me. Please help me.

Pooja

Dear Pooja,

True love ought to be unconditional for it to last. He cannot expect you to give up your job if it is something you love. besides, in this day and age, one cannot rely on the earnings of just one partner.

If he's too short-sighted to figure that one out by himself, tell him in no unclear terms that you'd prefer to work now and that if you ever want to quit, you'll let him know. Don't let people control you completely like this.

She won't do anything special for me!

Dear Diana,

We've been together for two and a half years and love each other a lot and even our families have no problems with this match. But for more than a year now, we keep quarrelling, sometimes I even physically abuse her! Why? Because she's never ready to do something special or romantic for me. She only says that she loves me from the bottom of her heart but does not express that. There are no gifts on my birthday, Valentine's Day or on our anniversary. Not even a red rose. We don't talk in the night or call each sweet nicknames. When I get something for her or surprise her, it's no big deal. When I try to tell her what I'm expecting she'll get angry and fight and walk out on me, then after a couple of days she comes back to me crying and promising things will be better, but nothing changes! What do I do?

Sameer

Dear Sameer,

Why would someone do something special for you when you have a short temper that threatens to flare out of control without warning? Some people cannot express themselves as freely as they would want to.

And this, for no fault of theirs. And why do you expect so much? The more you expect people to behave in a particular manner, the less they really will. In any case, some people hate being pushed to behave in a certain manner. She ought to change, but you have to effect that change positively ensuring she isn't scarred by a drastic shift.


But my parents will never agree to him...

Dear Diana,

I'm 18. I love a guy and he loves me too. We're together since three years. Once my parents came to know and went and told his parents. I decided I will not speak with him again. But he told me that he loves me a lot and cannot live without me. So again we were carrying on without my parent's knowledge. Now my father saw me with him and I requested my father not to tell my mother, as she won't be able to bear it. My father warned me if that I want to carry on with that guy, then I will have to first break all my relations with them. I broke up with him and gave him my career as an excuse and to that he says that he'll wait till I'm ready. But I know my parents will never agree to him. What do I do?
 
Sanjana

Dear Sanjana,

While your parents have your best interests at heart, they tend to get over protective and set down certain ultimatums to get you to toe their line. While your father made it clear that you had to choose either one, you decided to compromise knowing full well that they will never relent.

If your guy is ready to wait, you ought to be sure what is is you plan to do, say five years from now. Will you stan against your parents for your guy. If not, cut him off from your life completely.