Illustration/Satish Acharya

Dear Diana,

Ours was a joint family. After my mom's death, my dad remarried and my brother was packed off to Australia. It's been three years that I am living with my wife and daughter in my in-laws' house. Financially, I'm not that stable to have a place of my own in Mumbai. My relatives are doing well but nobody helps when needed. This has led to loss of confidence and depression which made me an alcoholic. The old memories are making life ahead more difficult please suggest how I should overcome the issues.

VVD

Dear VVD,

You really can't blame your family problems for the life you're leading. A lot of people have had horrible childhoods, but have found it within themselves to grow and mature into healthy adulthood. To say that you haven't been able to settle down financially, indicates that you simply didn't want to.

Relatives, unless they've always been close, are almost strangers. You never take help from strangers. And you have to learn to rely on no-one but yourself. Join an Alcoholics Anonymous programme and try to wean yourself off the problem. Talking helps.


She'll be the first and last girl I ever love

Dear Diana,

I'm 18 and so is the girl I love. She lives in another city. I love her very much but she hates me. I don't know why but from the day she came to know that I love her, she doesn't speak to me at all. I can't live without her. I like her very much but don't know why she hates me. She's the first gal in my life and I suppose she will be the last.

Sumukh

Dear Sumukh,

Have you given thought to the fact that she doesn't like you at all and doesn't even care if you do? She probably doesn't hate you, just that she probably doesn't like the idea of the two of you being in love.

Such things happen. Don't give up on love just because one girl rejected you. I'm sure you'll fall in love with someone else. Just give it some time


I have to know if she lost her virginity to me

Dear Diana,

I am going to get married to a girl. It is a love marriage but when I made love to her for the first time since we met, she didn't bleed. Is she a virgin or not? I want to make sure that she belongs to me totally and has not lost her virginity to someone else. Is it necessary for girls to bleed during their first sexual encounters with men? I suspect her and want to know the truth.

Khan

Dear Khan,

Why is her virginity so important to you? If you  can have a pre-marital affair (you've only made apromise of marriage, there's no formal commitment, I assume), what's the big deal with her being a virgin or not? In any case, the fact remains that not all virgins bleed during their first sexual encounter.

If you trust her enough to marry her, you shouldn't cast aspersions of her character just because she didn't bleed! She gave herself willingly to you before marriage, because she trusts you completely and explicitly. Respect that.