Illustration / Satish Acharya
Dear Diana,
I'm the strong headed woman you had mentioned in your reply to Riz ('Conversion in the name of love?'; Dear Diana, August 28), I read it and wish to say something. I have a terrible past so does he. From the beginning, I told him I was not interested in the relationship because of religion issues, but he pursued me saying that he'd convert; that religion will not be a problem. I believed what he said and started thinking about him. Now, when things have become serious after a six-month relationship, he seems apprehensive about converting. I had clearly told him at the beginning, that I CANNOT CONVERT. Now he wants me to. Is this right?? My question is if he had a problem, why tell me in the first place that he would? I know love is unconditional but after a heartbreaking turbulent relationship, I believe in practicality. I know my parents would oppose me (I'm Christian) marrying a Muslim. I'm a very family person. I love my parents to death as much as he does. I have told him that at least I need to have a Church wedding, as this is my first and his second marriage. And that the kids are to follow Christianity. I'm not laying down conditions, but am only being practical as I don't want marital problems between me and him for these reasons later on. Please advise.
P
Dear P,
Now that you've filled in the blanks, a clearer picture emerges. While I agree that he shouldn't ask you to convert, I am also of the opinion that you shouldn't ask him to, either. Specially if it is against his will. I also agree that he should've told you that he had aproblems with conversion before promising to. But I don't get the fuss. Why don't the two of you find a middle path where the two of you simply have a registered marriage and marry in a church or mosque just to keep the families happy. Don't convert if you don't want to. Matters such as these need to be hammered out sensibly before it reaches a public forum such as this. And why don't you let the kids choose the faith they wish to follow. Why dictate terms to the people you love? Think about it!
I'm cheating on my wife with her sister
Dear Diana,
After my marriage, I've fallen in love with my wife's elder sister. She is two years older than me, is also married and has two kids. We love each other very much. She has told me many times that she cannot stay with out me but nowadays she is not talking to me and isn't answering my phone calls or SMSes. Her parents and husband are doubting us. I don't know what to do. I can't stay without her and I also love my wife very much. Tell me what to do.
Aamit
Dear Aamit,
Do you even realise how you will be destroying your own life by continuing this affair? She's your wife's sister, for crying out loud.And the more explicitly apparent you are about your feelings for her, the more people are going to doubt the relaitonship you'll share. I don't think you should continue having an affair with this woman. Your wife doesn't deserve this. Be faithful to her from now on.
She loves ME, but won't tell her boyfriend!
Dear Diana,
I am in love with a girl who also works in the same company but in a different department. She approach me for friendship six months back. She never hid anything about her boyfriend of two years. She was going through a bad phase at the time and we gradually became close and fell in love. I am even ready to accept her with her past. The problem is she still talks with her previous boyfriend and says she doesn't want to hurt him. She is very stubborn. At times, I feel like I should let go of her, but then she tells me that she won't go back to her ex even if I leave her. This melts my heart each time. But she can't keep us hanging like this. I need a solution.
Chinka
Dear Chinka,
I think she should tell the other guy how committed she is to you. The poor bloke might not even know about you. She has to realise that the more she hangs on to the idea that she could be hurting her ex by cutting herself loose, the more she's actually going to get hurt. If she continues to keep at it by keeping in touch with the guy, she's never going to be able to say goodbye to him. If she really loves you that much, she has to tell the other guy the bitter truth.
