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Dear Diana,
I am 18 and my girlfriend is 15. We've been together two years. We study in different colleges and also don't talk much on the phone. Whenever I ask her to meet, she says she's always busy with submissions. I really dont know if she is telling the truth since she always hass the same excuse. I trust her but dont think she's making an effort to make this work. I know she'll never two-time me. We would meet at her place earlier, but now she suggests we meet elsewhere. Whenever I tell her not to do something, she always does it. That irritates me a lot and there are fights between us quite often. Sometimes I really feel I should break up with her but I love her a lot and can't live without her.
Deep
Dear Deep,
You don't lay down conditions on the one you love and tell them what they can or cannot do. Of course, the fact that she's trying to avoid you at any cost is disturbing. Don't be naive to assume that she is incapable of cheating. Given the circumstances, anything is possible. I'm not saying that she is, just that nobody's a saint.
There has to be an end to excuses at least once for you to believe she's telling the truth. Try separating for a bit to see if distance makes the heart grow fonder. If it doesn't, you'll know that it has ended and that it's time to move on. There's no point sticking around in a dead-end relationship.
Pehle apne bhai ke paer tod!
Dear Diana,
A friend of mine recently married a girl who doesn't belong to his caste. His parents were against the marriage from the beginning and his elder brother has been making threatening calls to me for supporting him. He keeps saying he will break my legs if he ever lays eyes on me. I'm not afraid of him, but the question remains, why can't he break his own brother's legs first?
NV
Dear NV,
If you supported someone in something you believe they ought to have done, you have to be ready to stand by them, come what may. So what if his brother makes threatening calls. He won't act on what he says. He's not psychotic enough to hunt down every witness to the marriage and pound them up. In any case, he's no superman. And besides, it won't serve any purpose.
So the next time, this gorilla calls, tell him to do his worst. You aren't afraid of him. Then, call your friend and tell him about his brother's insolent behaviour and that you'll hit back if it comes to blows. Don't take threats lying down. Fight back. You've done nothing wrong.
Mommy's too bossy!
Dear Diana,
You must get this type of question often. But I really need your help in this matter. I am unable to get along with my mother because she is too overbearing and bossy. I'm 21 and she still treats me like I'm a kid. I still have to tell her where I'm going, I can't stay out late etc. I know I'll always be a kid to her but at my age, this does seem a bit too much.
Mihira
Dear Mihira,
I'm sure your mom loves you to bits. She probably is trying to protect you more than you need to be. But the fact of the matter remains that you're still living under her roof and you're answerable to her and have to follow her rules. There are no two ways about it.
Have a talk with her and ask her to bring it down a notch and give you some space (of course, break it to her gently and not in as many words). And only address the problem if you feel too stifled by this behaviour.
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