13 July,2010 06:56 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
Ours was an arranged marriage after six months of being engaged. Before we wed, we'd talk a lot over the phone. She told me that she talks and messages three of her male friends regularly. I said I was okay with it. Now, one of her friends messages her filmi lines that read: tum mujhe chahti thi, tumne mujhe dhokha diya, I miss u, etc.
I also accidentally came to know that he calls her regularly. I told my wife to tell her friend not send her these type of messages. She retorts saying that she doesn't message him and that he does and that it isn't her fault. I have told her if he doesn't stop sending those SMSes, I won't talk to her and have done exactly that. Is what I am doing right or I am being over-possessive?u00a0
Nithin
Dear Nithin,
In a way, she is in the right. Reprimanding this guy will only serve to give him credence as someone who was keen on a relationship with her. While she can choose not to reply to those SMSes (which you can anyway check if you want to), you really ought to stop behaving like you own her. Married women like their space and being able to have male friends.
u00a0
But there are limits to such companionship set boundaries that the woman herself recognises and chooses to maintain, should she want to. Why don't you believe her when she says that she isn't the least bit interested in this guy.
Besides, why are you punishing her for something that's beyond her control. If he doesn't stop sending those messages, call up the guy from her phone and threaten to give his number to the police for harassing your wife, if he doesn't stop, pronto. If he calls your bluff, go ahead and call the cops on him, if you can.
He lied about being a good listener!
Dear Diana,
I am 25. I got engaged to a guy three months back. Unlike me, he isn't soft-spoken. He always says that he is a good listener but whenever I try to tell him something, he changes the topic and never listens to me. On the other hand, I hear him out very carefully and even offer suggestions.
u00a0
He always talks about having a physical relationship but never tries to understand my feelings, myu00a0 emotions; which I want him to. That is why I have started to avoid him. I know this is not good for my future. What should I do?
Disha
Dear Disha,
If you can't work out your differences now, there's little chance you will do so later on, after you're well and truly wed. If he was a good listener, he'd understand rather than simply hear you out.
He's more interested in getting physical and if you aren't comfortable with that, I think you should tell him flat out that you aren't ready for it until after the wedding.
Some guys are not big on talking and so, I don't think he should've misrepresented himself. Question is: how long can you expect to avoid him.
u00a0
There will come a time when you will have to reach a decision: do you want to stay on with this guy or not?
