'Am gay and in love with a married man'

Updated: 07 September, 2020 07:21 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I am happy and single for now. A year ago, I met a married man who is five years younger and runs a food outlet in front of my house

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr Love

I am a gay man in my 40s and have been in a couple of good relationships in the past. I am happy and single for now. A year ago, I met a married man who is five years younger and runs a food outlet in front of my house. He has a wife and two children, and I am on good terms with them all. He used to stare at me and smile, but never struck a conversation with me. Over the last two months, his family hardly visits the hotel on account of the lockdown, and he has begun showing immense interest in speaking to me. Whenever I am in his shop, he gives me his undivided attention, often ignoring other customers to sit with me. His staff has noticed this too. Do you think he's interested in me and thinks about me the way I think about him? I think I am falling in love again, but don't want to make a fool of myself. My heart says I should stay away and bury my feelings because he has a family. My nights are sleepless. Kindly advise me.
— Suresh
What you are contemplating is adultery, irrespective of whether this man has feelings for you or not. There are other people involved here, who have no idea of what his intentions are. If your heart says something that you believe is right, it may make sense to listen to it even if that is difficult. Sleepless nights are manageable when compared to the real pain that can be inflicted on a family when someone chooses to betray them. If this person does have feelings for you and is willing to live a lie in order to consider an extramarital relationship of some sort with you, the onus on enabling him lies with you. I understand that denying your feelings for someone is hard, but I would urge you to think of the potential repercussions and the effects on this man's wife as well as his children.

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First Published: 07 September, 2020 04:03 IST

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