Am in a bad marriage, but seeking happiness

Updated: Mar 27, 2020, 05:25 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I have recently been attracted to a woman at work, and I think she is interested, too.

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 43-year old man and have been in an unhappy marriage for over four years now. My wife and I barely speak to each other, and I think we have both accepted this because we live separate lives and are okay with it. I have recently been attracted to a woman at work, and I think she is interested, too. I can’t ask her out because I feel guilty about my wife, but I don’t know why I feel guilty. Should I just ask this person out? I don’t even know if my wife is in a relationship with someone else. Why should I deny myself a chance at happiness?

It seems as if there is no real bond between you and your spouse anymore. Is there any particular reason why the two of you are comfortable with this state of your marriage? Do you foresee living like this for the rest of your life? Is your wife okay with this? If things aren’t working, and you are obviously looking for happiness elsewhere, why don’t you consider ending this failed relationship before considering a new one? Won’t starting with a clean slate make things easier for you as well as your wife? If you don’t even know whether or not she is with someone else, doesn’t that tell you this is no longer something you can fix? Why not have a conversation with her about what she wants and whether she is willing to move on? Your colleague may be great, but is an extramarital affair the answer?

For a year or so, I have felt as if my relationship with my boyfriend is over. We still go on dates and have sex, but it feels like we are just doing this because it’s convenient. Is this normal?

Being stuck in a rut is normal, but your feelings towards each other still matter. If either of you is okay with the other person not being around, that is a sign that this isn’t a healthy relationship.

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