Am stuck in a loveless marriage

Published: Sep 20, 2019, 06:10 IST | DR Love |

I recently connected with an ex-boyfriend, who wants to pick up where we left off years ago

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have been in a loveless marriage for over a year now. My husband doesn't have any interest in speaking to me, and we have not been physically intimate in all this time. I recently connected with an ex-boyfriend, who wants to pick up where we left off years ago. He is married, too, but is also unhappy. I don't know if this will complicate both our lives further, so I haven't agreed yet, but I am tempted because I feel alone and unwanted. I am confused. Should I go to him?

Adultery is never a solution to anything. If your husband and you have been having problems for a year, seeking professional help is always a good idea. The first thing you should try and understand is where he stands in this relationship, and whether he has any hopes for it. If he does, and you think you can both work this out, that ought to be the option to choose. If he doesn't, or feels as if this can't be saved, or refuses to consider counselling, it may make sense to think about the future of this marriage and whether you should both continue being in it, before reaching out to a married ex-boyfriend. Dealing with one thing at a time is always a smarter thing to do because, as you correctly point out, the chances of complicating both everyone's lives is high.

A male colleague always tells me about his personal problems and I don't know how to react to them. It is too much information and I don't know why he tells me these things. How do I get him to stop?

He is a colleague, not a friend, and should be informed of anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you don't like him speaking about some things, what prevents you from asking him to stop, or from refusing to engage in conversations the minute they veer away from professional subjects?

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