Am so tempted to rekindle affair...

Updated: 16 September, 2020 06:46 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

A month ago, he reached out asking if I would consider an affair again, saying his marriage was as boring as mine.

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picMy husband and I have been together for almost a decade now. We have a normal marriage, but it is boring and has been for a while. A year or so ago, I had an affair with a friend of his. We decided to end it very quickly because I felt guilty about it, but he hasn’t forgotten about me. A month ago, he reached out asking if I would consider an affair again, saying his marriage was as boring as mine. I am tempted, but don’t know if this is the right thing to do. I want to stop, but it’s hard because my life at home is not even remotely interesting. What should I do?

Let’s put aside the legal and moral implications of adultery here, for a minute. I think you have to think really hard about what you want from marriage. Do you have a reasonable idea of how excited couples usually are after being together for a long time? Are they in a constant and mutual state of excitement? Have you or your husband made any effort to bring some spark into this relationship? Every marriage risks turning into a non-event, where both partners are happy to be companions and little else. It takes effort and a pulling of weight by both people to change things. An affair is temporary, but the repercussions and potential for loss are enormous. If you and your husband’s friend are both unhappy, why not try fixing that in your respective marriages instead of considering adultery and hurting two other people in the process?

I don’t want to be with a friend because I think she has some issues. She adores me though, and thinks of me as her best person. If I fake this, does it make me a bad person?

You owe it to her as well as yourself to talk about why you have a problem. What do you mean by issues? A friendship built on lies isn’t a real friendship at all.

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First Published: 16 September, 2020 05:11 IST

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