Am with a guy who does not value me...

Updated: 12 November, 2020 06:39 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

The thing is, I know he won't be able to manage if I leave him, even though he doesn't realize it at the moment

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI have been in a relationship with a guy who doesn't value me at all. He has a lot of personal issues because of an unhappy childhood, and usually takes it out on me. The thing is, I know he won't be able to manage if I leave him, even though he doesn't realize it at the moment. I want to end this and be with someone who values me but am afraid of what will happen when I leave because it seems very cruel. What should I do?

You can't continue to sacrifice your happiness for someone who doesn't appreciate you, irrespective of whether you are helping him or not. Leaving him may be cruel but is also necessary if you want him to learn something from this. The sooner he learns how to value people, the better his future will be. Also, the onus of dealing with his unhappy childhood shouldn't be on you. He needs the help of a professional. If he hasn't appreciated your presence until now, what makes you believe he will after you have ended this? I suggest you put yourself first and choose to be in a relationship based upon mutual respect and love. The effects can be life-altering.

A girl I had known for a while had a casual fling with me around 3 years ago. It didn't last long, but we were happy and ended it mutually. We haven't been in touch since, which is sad because I would have liked to have her in my life. She has only ignored me from that point on. Why would she do this?

It was casual and ended amicably for reasons that made sense to you both at the time. If she doesn't want to stay in touch, that is entirely her prerogative. You may want her in your life, but it's obvious that she doesn't feel the same way. You have no option but to respect her decision and move on. If she wanted to stay in touch, she would.

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First Published: 12 November, 2020 06:37 IST


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