Boyfriend can't seem to get over his ex

Updated: 25 September, 2020 06:58 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I thought he would put it past him at some point, and was willing to wait until that happened, but I am wondering if he will ever move on if things continue like this

Illustartion/ Uday Mohite
Illustartion/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveMy partner and I have been dating for six months but it often feels as if he hasn't been able to move on from his last relationship yet. I know it was serious because they had been together for over three years and were planning to marry, but I also know it ended badly and hurt him quite a bit. I thought he would put it past him at some point, and was willing to wait until that happened, but I am wondering if he will ever move on if things continue like this. Is there anything I can do to get him to forget about the past and start looking to the future?

You're doing everything you can except hoping that there is a date at which things will suddenly change for him. It is never easy for anyone to move on from a failed relationship, and people cope differently. Some manage to move on within days or hours, others can think about this for the rest of their lives. What matters is how this affects your current relationship. If your partner thinks about his ex, that isn't the same as him wanting to be with her. If he talks about her, it's probably because speaking to you is important to him and allows him to articulate emotions or feelings he is struggling with. I am not disowning your own feelings here, because I know this can't be easy, but I believe talking about it is part of the healing process. If you get to a point where you can't take it anymore, you are free to ask him to stop. My advice would be to keep talking until that happens though.

I think I always hurt my girlfriend unintentionally, which makes me feel awful later. I would like to stop but don't know how.

When you know you are hurting someone, and can't think of a way to stop, you are inadvertently absolving yourself of all blame. Why not try thinking a little more before acting?

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First Published: 25 September, 2020 06:57 IST

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