Can I date my ex-boyfriend's friend?

Updated: Jun 17, 2020, 04:55 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

We met at a party thrown by my ex and stayed in touch. He says he has feelings for me, and I think I like him too

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI am a 28-year old woman and dated a 30-year old guy for a year and a half. We ended our relationship six months ago and haven't been in touch since. Over the past month or so, I have begun chatting with a good friend of his. We met at a party thrown by my ex and stayed in touch. He says he has feelings for me, and I think I like him too. I am not committing to anything though, because I feel guilty, as if I am doing something wrong. Should I avoid him because he is my ex-boyfriend's friend?

Why should you avoid him, given that you are both adults who claim to like each other? You are no longer in a relationship, and your boyfriend's relationship with this friend has nothing to do with you. What exactly are you guilty of? People meet other people in all kinds of ways, and your situation is perfectly normal. If you like this person, you don't have to commit to a relationship at once, but nothing stops you both from going on a few dates and getting to know each other.

My girlfriend split with me a few months ago, and said it was because of my anxiety issues. She said I always made her panic, and it wasn't fair to her. I don't know if she said this to just end our relationship, or because I really did make things hard for her. Should I speak to a professional therapist about this?

If you aren't sure about whether you have anxiety issues, it may make sense to get a second opinion from a professional. You can also speak to family and friends to try and get a sense of how they see you. If your ex wanted to end your relationship, she could have given you all kinds of excuses, but this is a specific issue and it doesn't hurt to take her seriously. Anxiety is real and can affect us in all kinds of ways.

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