Can't move on from abusive relationship

Published: Oct 16, 2019, 05:17 IST | DR Love |

I keep thinking of him, because he was nice to me whenever we were together, apart from some ugly episodes

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

I was in a relationship for three years, but we decided it wasn't working because he was abusive and untrustworthy. It has been a few months since we ended it, but I am struggling to move on for some reason. I keep thinking of him, because he was nice to me whenever we were together, apart from some ugly episodes. I don't know if I was too hasty and am considering reaching out to him because I can't get him out of my mind. Is this a good idea?

You alone can answer that question, because you alone have dealt with what you refer to as abuse and a lack of trust. These are both serious impediments to any healthy relationship, and abuse of any sort should never be tolerated because you need to respect yourself. If you can't move on, it may be simply because a 3-year relationship becomes a habit that is hard to break out of. It's still too soon, which is perfectly normal. I think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself though, and thinking about him only because you are worried about not being able to move on. I suggest you give yourself some time to heal. Don't worry about moving on just yet, because it will happen when it has to. If you continue to feel the same way a few months from now, you can then think about doing what is best for you.

My girlfriend and I broke up around six months ago, but she still chats with me as if we are still together. She wants to know about my day, my personal life, or who I am meeting, and it annoys me. I have asked her to stop, but she won't. How do I get out of this?

Communication is a two-way street. She may have questions, but that doesn't mean you are obligated to respond with information about your personal life. If she won't stop asking you questions, why can't you stop responding?

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